We do not know the struggles others go through to come to their own conclusions. As we go through life we are met with both hurt and love. To contemplate which one holds more value is up to the beholder on which one you wish to focus on. Was it love or was it hurt that defined you?
I’m aware of my corporate life. I’m aware of my personal life. To create a series and call it a Divine Comedy is to approach it from a psychological standpoint and I think that is universal that all sectors are able to be achieved. My Wonderland has always been my Heroes + Villains. Both a place of acceptance and a place of respect in individuality. Portraits of them. Portraits of me. Portraits of commonality. They all exist. I think of three years ago and I dare you to try being in a room knowing you are going to be fired in a week and listening to those threats. Try being in a room where your phone call to a lawyer is transcribed. Try being in a new sense of place where your entire past is ripped apart not really knowing what occurred prior before judgement. That 60 day on-boarding process costed me much protecting those I love. What they did is anything but pure.
Yes…I look in the mirror. I look into it often. Have done so since a little child and documented at the age of 3. As an adult, I hold things back knowing very well what occurred and all I can be is sympathetic that you thought you could get away with it.
A forest protected in black ice.
A forest protected in secret.
What is to become of the forest I am a guest to now?
Love and fear.
Action/Inaction.
If only someone sat me down prior.
Perhaps this is what was supposed to be the case.
I look at this portrait. I set it up and my mother took the picture. She designed the post and chose where things were to go. We can go here and we can go there. We can go anywhere the imagination takes us. I’ve done that for 10 years now knowing that escapism helps you grow into who you are supposed to be. We do not always know the answers and most of the time they come after the fact. Always a hindsight moment to be had. In this image I am wearing a hoodie now very special to me as I re-entered into this world after-the-fact. A moment of vulnerability and a moment of reality collided. When parameters shift one must understand that we reboot with what is most important to us and build from there. I was always an Alice. I was always looking for a white rabbit. I was always trying to find my way. That is not to be argued.
Where I am at now is cut off at the knees. My life is in your hands. My suicide off the table as I have already experienced that. The question remains on what is off-limits for me to talk about? Vulnerability brings strength and if broken down, I’ll still have a voice.
One day I’ll have another picture from my father and maybe look at how he sees me now. This moment was special and my mother has never been a part of this process prior except under my lens. I’m honored to be remembered by my parents and I hope I did them proud. So many adoptive family members to be had, but with this pic in particular is to try to understand what paradise is after you lost everything. Family matters. Parents matter. Regardless of biological or emotional. I could have died without my parents.
I look at this picture as a new artist’s preferred portrait. My mother saw more than anyone ever will and knows the struggles had. As I try to choose my journey it was important to me to understand that the hopes and dreams we give our children is all that matter. I probably never need a more perfect Wizard of Oz picture than this one to conclude a chapter. Thank you for letting me find a home when I have none of my own. Thank you for being stronger than I ever could be.
Love you. XOXO