I’m trying to decide where to go from here.
I’ve compiled my works from Blogger to either be downloaded or published since 2019. Ugly Simple Truths: A Companion a protected book not ever for sale publicly which I hold great amount of weight on as it was me revealing 23 truths while others gave me one for a series that will always be fascinating to explain on where the curated aspect lies and what I protect.
A continued journey of modern psychology and therapy, it proved itself right then and later in life. I think on the past day knowing it was not unexpected and leave the door open to one way or the other on the things hidden behind closed doors.
I would have never deleted my blog as most were hidden publicly since 2014-15….even 17. I moved to Florida sharing in the beginning and found my answer of my search to a Heaven to be quite personal as I’ve known the answer would always be that way.
That comes from judgement. That comes from experience. Open enough and you find that either people admire you or read you for filth. Never I on the filth. Always a doorway to conversation and openness saying we are all learning together.
I remember my Ugly Simple Truth Blog.
The most amazing thing to ever happen to me is have complete strangers walk up to me and say “thank you” and use that as an introduction to the most amazing people I have ever met. I remember the vulnerability of having my boss and co-workers preview the show knowing I shouldn’t be there for that experience to have them come back in tears of what was never just “my story”. It was always our story and a safe space to be had. The evening of the opening reflected on “Black Light Confessionals” that allowed others to express themselves in a safe space as well.
I’ll never forget the empathy of connection in that series. It’s universal and I learned my lessons on Beautiful Layered Lies to protect a full version of it for showcasing in its entirety as well as my artist prints knowing it could be expanded on in an everlasting exhibit of “facing your fears” while also touching on emersion therapy that was and is creative for its time.
I’ve been scared to touch Blogger since 2019.
I’ve been scared as those blogs published and unpublished were impeded on in places that never should have been. I could talk about a “here’s our chance moments” all I want, but I still digress of being stronger enough to know that I protect my family, my models, their stories, my story. I can’t choose between my “Heroes+Villains” or my psychological work to even begin to grasp trauma from a Divine Comedy sense.
They both are monumental and where we are at now led to Sphinx riddles that are not freely fleshed out in argument in digital format but completely solid, as well as someone or many are trying to make this right in the world.
We are trying to make this right.
I’d say at times I am scared. I am. As I should be. Cards stacked against me and companies knew that prior three years ago. It wasn’t for the benefit of me nor is it a benefit now knowing where I shine is never to let this happen to people younger or older to me ever again.
Perhaps I have my paternal grandfather in me who’s patents changed the world to be written off by others. Perhaps I have my maternal grandfather in me who wrote the math books and told the universal language of storytelling and wonder. Maybe I am my paternal grandmother who put kids first and loved the growth. Maybe I am my maternal grandmother who knows acceptance of culture and dedication of the heart to have a 40/50/60 year marriage work. I’d say I’m my parents. Rapunzel in one aspect as my mother a house-wife of 20 years who wrote a “Life and Times of Rapunzel” in 1996 not knowing the world and entering it for the first time. I’m sure a bit of my father as I question everything and yet still allowed to wander and wonder knowing regardless of speaking there is connection.
I couldn’t make up my journey, nor should I. Reality in my regard has been exciting, frustrating and disappointing all at the same time.
I think of the responsibility of knowing why Alfred Angelo went under and I can talk about the need for survival all I want, but that information is always going to be growth in what I have never gotten answers on personally while holding weight to the connection I have with the brides of the gown knowing I am not the one at fault for that company and never will be.
I could speak of the contract position and go with my experience from there. Never should one, “Put up and Shut up” as a paraphrase to disclosing commentary of how others treat each other and how I was treated.
I could go down the list from there as my Alfred Angelo experience derailed my expected life and created a new one from it. My journey led to hope and led to heartbreak in re-establishing dreams. I’ll never forget that nor should I.
I think of a blog completely erased as I do what occurred Feb.15, 2022 on my Facebook page. That was something I’ll never erase and it is my motto I do not delete, I’ll correct in comments or I’ll correct in a new post. I do not delete knowing I will question things that are uncomfortable for me.
Perhaps it is time I listen to things that were difficult to hear at the time of. As people read off “Truths of the Day” they have to understand they were at least 4-5 years old. In any capacity it always remains; never reveal something socially that you are not ready to tackle head on.
I wrote “Curated Jellyfish: A Paradise Lost “ in late 2019. I copyright pended it knowing what I had experienced and it was proven to be acted upon on ways I do not have the answers individually to solve.
I never will alone.
That book’s history is not inflated and my work is not inflated either. Scientific, Artistic, Theology, Human.
I suppose I needed to say that knowing the Ugly Simply Truth Blog is not there anymore but will always be copyright protected and possibly backed up by Blogger admins on proof.
