I use this as a test of privilege. The previous posts would not go through on this sovereign space that I compiled of my life’s work. Attack that and that is beyond the United States of America where this originated and always going to be an attack on freedom of speech of which I was born knowing it is different from country to county. Never…never are you going to get away with this knowing that regardless of what I have built you have stolen from other countries and those paid into dreams. Not allowing my blogs to be published should be enough to tell you where money was spent. This is not tolerated and this is as personal as it can get knowing all rings unite on this matter. (I thought so…matter closed)

A talk about how we treat people. I've leaving out my black panther and captain America for a test.

A talk about how we treat people. (still a placeholder)

Each of these laws are pulled from the EEOC website. (https://www.eeoc.gov/statutes/laws-enforced-eeoc) This is not a total list but something I’d take a crack at with questions of standing. I’m not a lawyer, but played one in mock trial in high school before that went out the window. I imagine that lawyers all have heavy student loans on their hands that they have needed to work on whittling down. “Get to the choppah” heard in the distance. Never under-estimate the paralegal parachuting in on the landing points of conversation.

I wanted to tackle workplace discrimination a bit before going into what could be revamp’ed add-ons to my résumé. CV is so much easier to write as I don’t know the key commands to accent marks in that regard. Please forgive me as I give grace to multi-language keyboards and settings outside the English language. Standards are different in every country and then imported and adopted. Some are left by the wayside for others to come along and write their story of judgements. Narrowed views considered in this regard.

It is important to note that workplace discrimination exists because discrimination exists both in and out of the workplace. It is a part of psychology and it is a part of something that can never be erased collectively because it involves total understanding of the aspect that every person on this planet comes from any different background or connection that can be built-up or broken down. It is in our memories of self or told and passed down that create a story. It is always be about how we react/act to those memories. Discrimination is learned and we make our choices from there knowing anti-discrimination is also learned and still it comes down to self-responsibility to uphold beliefs or have moments of human understanding.

People are always quick to judge and will go with the simplest answer first before processing and understanding. Exasperated now in the information overload of what is available and what people pay attention to. What is the sound bite? What is the billboard message? 5-6 seconds given only knowing as you drive by it in a subconscious aspect of yourself you processed it multi-tasking. Not everyone reads or can so it is important to note my message before I go further.

”We are all looking to belong.“

That is me. That may or may not be you. I try to provide a safe space to that idea that I live by and grow into every day. Conflicts always. Lessons learned. But that is myself summed up into one sentence.

(Definition from Merriam-Webster) Prejudice 1 : a liking or dislike for one rather than another especially without good reason She has a prejudice against department stores. 2 : a feeling of unfair dislike directed against an individual or a group because of some characteristic (as race or religion) 3 : injury or damage to a person's rights.

We find commonality in areas as we grow older knowing as children it was easier. We did not really look at the things that separate us then but more so what connects us. I wrote and published my thoughts on Transformers (an example of shared interest invites conversations as a child) to where things shift in the processing area from middle school, high school to the work place and adult life. I suppose those later conversations revolve around either sexuality or what can you do for me. Depends on the environment on what is and is not proper or allowed. Agreements between people. Agreements between companies. Agreements is the keyword knowing “safe space” is 100% a psychological virtue we strive to or for subconsciously. That approach factor is interesting to explore as self interests factor in. How hard is it to say, “Hi” in adult life without a series of questions on either side? It is humanly impossible to live a life without a single bit of prejudice knowing later you even have to question who is watching you.

It is completely impossible to group everyone into one train of thought of total agreement knowing the personal experience factors in. Maybe not. Who we are as individuals is unique and always a gift to share or be comfortable to share with others. You will never find a 100% answer socially and intimacy is something that comes with age to know proper acceptance or disregard. I remain approachable socially knowing your swiped right in reading this to introduce and say “hello” back or first. What is the proper way to approach people this day and age? Respect is the answer of always a privilege to get to know anyone. That comes from a friend, romantic or professional capacity. We are all privileged to have any cognizant understanding of other people’s perspective. It is always going to be about the comfort of sharing and with whom.

Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 (Title VII)
”This law makes it illegal to discriminate against someone on the basis of race, color, religion, national origin, or sex. The law also makes it illegal to retaliate against a person because the person complained about discrimination, filed a charge of discrimination, or participated in an employment discrimination investigation or lawsuit. The law also requires that employers reasonably accommodate applicants' and employees' sincerely held religious practices, unless doing so would impose an undue hardship on the operation of the employer's business. “

(Definitions from Oxford Languages) Discrimination. dis·crim·i·na·tion /dəˌskriməˈnāSH(ə)n/
1. the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people or things, especially on the grounds of race, age, or sex.
2. recognition and understanding of the difference between one thing and another. "discrimination between right and wrong"

Discrimination comes from many places. It comes from two places. It comes from taught behavior and learned experience or it comes comes ignorance or lack of education of other people. Lack of empathy is my answer in that regard and it is a trained area to focus on. We can teach how to prevent discrimination, but the personal experience we have is never going to be taken away (generational or self-afflicted). Those categories of prejudice create the basis of argument of understanding to where education is necessary to be taught or should be learned early on. 100% support for Home Economics being at least in the public school system before going into my own hybrid public/private education. Talks of modifying/censoring history in classrooms should go back to that fundamental 1 sentence statement I made that is regardless of religion and what this country was built upon (being from the United States of America). It is difficult to tackle from a teacher perspective and I understand that not all children are provided an educational system at home and it is not the responsibility of the teacher to raise but only educate and let them make their own choices in life. We are all afforded introductions to concepts that are either taken for granted or we know what we know from either streets or books. A combination is amazing.

As we get older it is always going to be about what makes us unique as a person over the childhood understanding of what brings us together. You see this on social media and you see this both corporately and individually. “It is I!” statement made. Remember the other “This is I!” statements proclaimed realizing that there is difference and there is past experience that is handled case-by-case privately, personally and in workplace environments. Workplace environments are sacred knowing we are all trying to collect a paycheck at the basic understanding and afforded the right to safely do so. How we interact with co-workers is personal and consequences come into play when you realize this is not your home and you are a guest of this house. It is up to companies to fortify that notion and if need be continued the trained education of understanding not everyone was trained in respect and that personal experiences factor in on that. These laws are hard-lined to teach you a lesson you may not have been educated on.

The Pregnancy Discrimination Act
”This law amended Title VII to make it illegal to discriminate against a woman because of pregnancy, childbirth, or a medical condition related to pregnancy or childbirth. The law also makes it illegal to retaliate against a person because the person complained about discrimination, filed a charge of discrimination, or participated in an employment discrimination investigation or lawsuit.”

I believe I am not equipped to handle this subject. A woman’s body is there choice and there is a heavy flow of argument to go one way or the other. I do not interject on a woman’s body in any way, shape or form. Zero discrimination from me of a woman of pregnancy in the workplace. Zero.

My morality goes outside the workplace and from my own experience knowing that is not the topic at hand, but you will find that often as we break down these discussions. When it comes to pregnancy, that is a combination between 2 people to form a union outside the acts of momentarily or intentional. That is intimate and that is why that section of discrimination is there and protected. From the female side and the male side, you cannot fight biology and parents’ right to carry on a future. It happens in all of its form and is a choice that is utmost respected because there is someone in this world coming who knows nothing of it. The story can be always from hope knowing 8←9 months (average) at least 2 people built hope in what is to come. I imagine further compassion and laws should be allowed for miscarriages as well understanding when hope is lost not by any factor that is either controlled or biological. Psychologically we all have to understand compassion and empathy knowing empathy is not just sympathy. The loss of anyone is common under bereavement laws. That should apply to miscarriages.

I could go deeper into my thoughts of a woman’s right if I wanted to. It is always a woman’s right to chose things but it does become a point when it comes to the intimate aspect to understand that those decisions are hard on both the mother and the father and completely private. Life factors in and personal choices are made. That right to choose comes from self-reflection on either side of the coin. I lost a child when I was younger questioning many things as the other did as well. we were young and decisions made. It was never my decision in that regard but I understand my deflection as well. It becomes severely personal in any aspect and is never for public ridicule or battlegrounds on either side. When speaking of heartbeats in this regard, there are the ones forming, the ones right in front of you and the ones lost afterwards. My experience came from lack of experience on either side and growing up really quickly when a potential life is in factor knowing I grew up faster than expected prior in my regard.

Questions. Internalization. The process of pregnancy is sacred to those who consummate the union. It should never be politicalized and if so it requires empathy before judgment. You will never be able to inject yourself into a family’s choice or personal choice to end a life regardless of the stipulations behind it without also looking into assisted suicide and understanding compassion of intimate understanding on either ground. You cannot blanket statement the hardship of deciding one way or another to end or see to term a pregnancy. If any hate was ever there in any regard, there should be zero issues of anyone adopting knowing there is an even harder process to do so that takes months and even years to complete. Adopt a child before you ever open your mouth about the hardship of abortion or open your mind to empathy and understanding that we are not all afforded equal and not all cut from the same cloth. The process of adoption may do people good. The focus would be more on love and nurture than on hatred of others. DISCLAIMER: It is expensive to have children and shit will be had in that scenario.

In that discrimination seen of the judgement of adoption, I question that you need to remember children come first in many regards. If denying a home to a child based on your beliefs holds a child back from a potential loving home then that is against morality and to some their religion. Psychologically developmental stages are important and the longer that homes are denied, the more harm we do to them and they will remember that. I understand the practice of faith-based adoption agencies using that as a snuff test, but it still will always morally go against religion and creating homes. The process is strong to see if people are financially stable enough and questioned prior. Fact: you can actually age yourself out of adoption at the age of 40. 7 months left for me and then never ever. With wages being the way they are how can anyone look at things in the same ways as the 60s in that regard. Most aren’t even getting their foot in the 30s, let alone 40s. Welcome to those dreams of picket fences and owned homes taken away for rental property and paycheck-to-paycheck.

I remember when I was engaged and came to the beauty of knowing I was going to be a father. Questions around that and private beyond belief in that regard but I remember the hardship and the decisions made from that time. One of my art series tackles that thought process throughout my 10-20 years exploring it creatively, My entire adult life really. The rights of the father matter and transformed me as well as I’ve grown the 20 years to be able to talk about it from a place others might be willing to as well. It was never my choice and I know the circumstances behind it. I have tried to honor that child to the best of my ability my adult life by learning understanding on either side of the shoe. It is not always just a woman’s choice. Sometimes it is our choice. It is private and to interject into that and regulate leads towards areas that put others at harm and risk.

I could talk about women’s rights and I stand there 100%. It becomes different when a child born or un-born factors in. I’ve grown adaptive and supportive to schools passing out condoms and birth control like you don’t believe knowing that it is either taught at home or it is taught in school. Awkward one way or the other and the parent(s) is always learning. The teens are very interesting for everyone and it is always going to be an incredibly awkward conversation between parent/child or teacher/student. Biology and psychology is going to happen before you get into knowledge that I don’t know about as not being a parent.

Memories and the persistence of it exists. I defer back to our memories and our life experiences knowing we never know anyone’s full story. There is post-partum very much known about. Commonly on the maternal side, but I question my own on the paternal side. They create rules now where it is ok in some scenarios for abortions thinking well I get this and that. It is always going to be private and completely intimate to discuss. Sometimes it is best to just about face that argument and find other agendas to get behind. The heartbeats are going in both directions on that one.

I think of the “baby trap” syndrome and how that has been weaponized over the years. Home Economics can prevent this but at the same time there is always careful consideration to be had there. I thought to myself thinking of bar mitzvahs that a coming-of-age talk between parents and male adolescence could be had about vasectomies and if that is viable at that age. “Children will be children” a common phrase, but might as well have a talk about the expense and responsibility of child-bearing and raising. I would say consult your doctor or medical professional on this at developmental stages, but cost is around $300-3000 dollars. It is completely a reversable procedure that when the time is right and mature enough, children could be introduced outside the coming of age aspect of adulthood. This talk and choice would be at an age of comprehension when consent is discovered normally anyways. Completely a different approach then childhood mutilation and always would be a choice that could not be forced but discussed on cost saving measures of (as of 2022, $272,049 to raise a child from 0 to 18, according to Investopedia). I imagine for those more fortunate that conversations could be had with a male “dowry” of reversal funds when the man’s right to choose factors into those mutual discussions of bringing children into the world. We are not all afforded that as an option but at some point talks of reproduction/sexuality can and would be had either way to wrap up the talking points. I am not equipped to talk about it from the other side but this seems practical and affordable. Naturally the cost of procedure would be lowered if adopted in practice and volume is increased. Population control is based on the education of cost and responsibility. Once you become a parent, it becomes a lifetime commitment of understanding that there is another part of you in the world. This is a halfway point.

One of my mentors was a mother at 16 and taught me well of the world. When I first entered high school I met a child of 14 pregnant with her second child. At the very least we can do is understand that adult conversations need to happen at some point in our lives and that is either from the home, school or experience. When it comes to discrimination surrounding pregnancy, that workplace law is completely enforceable to what happens during that pregnancy and special considerations should be taken when there is no full-term. Compassion and understanding goes well beyond a room for pumping and is done company-to-company on the privacy and intimacy of pregnancy and child-birth.

This legal language should also be applied to the male experiencing a pregnancy who may be affected by complications and other events during the pregnancy indirectly/directly and may have to leave work to handle certain situations or become emotional in the result of tragedy or personal factors surrounding pregnancy that could open the door for judgment from co-workers. This would never be never verbally cast judgment on a parent’s right of choice or experiences as any event surrounding a pregnancy positive or negative leads to psychological conversations that remain intimate and misunderstood in cases of discrimination.

Perhaps compassion should be given to everyone in the regard that you never know who has gone through the stages of pregnancy one way or another. Lack of knowledge of someone’s history of with-child/childless would be prime example of that on the other side. Children cannot and should not be used as a leverage to increase one’s value over the other without. We are all learning as we go and when it comes to body issues, decisions in the work place of one’s worth cannot be solely determined by the body count they carry with them. We are all human with/without a nuclear family.

The Equal Pay Act of 1963 (EPA)
This law makes it illegal to pay different wages to men and women if they perform equal work in the same workplace. The law also makes it illegal to retaliate against a person because the person complained about discrimination, filed a charge of discrimination, or participated in an employment discrimination investigation or lawsuit.

One of the main rules of employment is to not talk about compensation. This is done for the sole purpose that select few know one’s worth and where deals are had/broken. The birth of this law came from the wage-gap issues surrounding women at first known for making around 82 cents to the dollar vs. their male counter parts according to the US Department of Labor blog, later to bring up the conversation of minorities especially female minorities.

Where this law needs adjustment is to expand from the male/female comparison into the fair market value of services. I am roping in the next stage and coming back around.

The Age Discrimination in Employment Act of 1967 (ADEA)
This law protects people who are 40 or older from discrimination because of age. The law also makes it illegal to retaliate against a person because the person complained about discrimination, filed a charge of discrimination, or participated in an employment discrimination investigation or lawsuit.

This law needs to be completely revamped and looked at from those discriminated under 40 by those over 40. Where discrimination comes into play in the matter is a reversal of the “Respect your Elders” phrase where time builds experience of what is and isn’t appropriate in the office/work-place which is where the original law was intended to protect and it does and should. This article is about discrimination and examples not citing the positive aspect of those of different ages on either side.

A “Disrespect your Juniors” has been adopted in some cases and taken advantage of where longevity of employment actually comes at a greater cost/consequence because “You should know better” the more experienced you get. In this regard, the length of employment compounds exponentially in every regard regarding HR nightmares and how to present oneself in the workplace when it comes to supervisor positions and being a representative of a company.

As you look at the workforce from decade to decade you see a pattern that goes into “The Greed Decade” of the 80s and an expansion from there. Exploitation has always been prevalent in regards to work but you always have the psychological aspect of “What can I get away with until caught?” mentality. This leads to cost saving measures of lack of raises, seniority in mental approach of “I’ve been on this earth longer than you.” that completely blankets decisions based on experience which comes with age.

”You know what they do in the corporate world when you don’t do what is asked of you?” Where this law needs to be focused on is the predatory practice of experienced vs. inexperienced. I look at this as an analogy of good teachers and bad teachers. Although we are taught directly/in-directly by our supervisors and co-workers, the question remains on what they were taught and what they choose to pass down to others or keep as their “trade” marks of personality. This leads to the promotion of ideology such as “Indentured Servitude” as a prime example of learned behavior that although conditioned and trained on it, does not excuse the behaviors of lack of compensation or discretionary measures behind it. There is a service to self to understand that one is never indentured to service at all hours for any company.

To attacked predatorially on inexperience for personal/professional gain is never to be tolerated or accepted. This would apply directly to my “Open Letter to The United Nations” where I cited The Savannah College of Art and Design predominantly in their SCADpro Program, but also in other areas. To have students pay for a class that is considered “A working internship” with private/public companies on real-world projects where the companies (and possibly SCAD) make huge profits off of those “student-paid internships” and they are left with maybe being able to add a mark on their CV about it without compensation is a prime example of Age Discrimination of “Dangling Carrots” of one thing and not realizing what is happening on the other side. As these students are “Shark-Tanked”, they are paying for companies to make millions off of them without compensation and thus, age discrimination before entering the workplace but the minute they paid for those real-world projects, they became contract employees and thus fall under protection when this needs complete revamping to prevent the continued exploitation of those under 40 by those over 40. I have written personally (and non-digitally) how I would have transformed that for the students/school/corporations and saw it as a major problem I tried to address with fundamentally changing the school in directions that spread across the collegiate market playing off of what has been happening in the sports arena already.

To approach how this can be modified and revised is to look at how this can be applied across both areas successfully. To remove the over 40 aspect of it you get into what is a fair sliding scale in the workplace. What would be fair to apply this correctly? 10-15 years difference between 2 parties? Allot can be learned in that spread and in most cases would lead to supervisor/employee. It is important to address the mass teaching of predatory practices to understand when age really is about experience in the long term. There is the “They should know better” and there is the “We just got here”.

”Respect your Youth” is implied but never really stated enough. In regards to innovation and transformative technology, those not accustomed to the work force are idealistic, inventive and transformative, especially in the years of late teens into mid-20s. With that known by those experienced, I cite Steve Jobs, Bill Gates and George Lucas before branching off completely into music, movies, technology, Those formative years are very important to the way civilization is perceived and in the above mention of The Savannah College of Art and Design it is well known that in all of their majors, those are primed studies that international students are being ripped-off and short-changed before entering the workforce not knowing how fundamental their contributions to society was or to their resume outside of a line item that to a company possibly even got written off from the intern status of partnering with a non-profit school. Innovation happens at any age and the more you have available the more effect you have. Poaching of this regard is an understood secret of those of experienced and the exact reason why under 40 is also protected by those of all ages and over 40 is also protected by all ages.

BACK TO EQUAL PAY:
With the knowledge of the practice above, equal pay needs to be looked at from the fair-market value and from real world applications. If one provides a service that is equal or greater to what was provided by others, regardless of age/experience the pay should be comparable. Especially when called out/noted/cited. To have someone forced into a situation where they spend the time to write fair proposals based on facts and other hired talent and then not even have the proposal read is a sign of both discrimination on age and discrimination on equal pay. When numbers already in the head prior, ignorance of the law is no excuse in most of the regards on the matter. Especially when it comes to inability to separate multiple positions from the self while providing other services saying that will be deducted from your annual pay. I am not sure how that applies when willfully taking away raises works when also willfully adding on more responsibility.

In the experience realm, if tasks are performed and salaries are known to individuals, it becomes again exploitation and against the fair equal pay law. This is a decision that comes from cost saving measures in the “what can I get away with?” category.

As more tasks are added on and “roles absorbed” to save money, it is a psychological condition that over periods of time people will forget their original job descriptions and take on more responsibility. This practice is discriminatory in that as dollars are saved in the workplace, the cost of working harder for the same amount is detrimental to the health of the employee by either not hiring the appropriate amount of workforce and putting company over employee first. In the regards of unfilled positions applied for and not received, it is amoral to have employees absorb those responsibilities without compensation and renegotiation. Especially for long periods of time before just eliminating the positions knowing they all probably adapted at this point to the extra work without having to compensate. It is a numbers game where people are far better with numbers than I on that one. Each new role absorbed is a completely different salary and title and should be in consideration when considering compensation.

When it comes to proposed laws of raising minimum salary for full-time employees, when one offers a raise to comply with the law and then the law does not pass, it is illegal to retract that raise after verbally given because you no longer “have” to pay it.

When determining fair-market value or real world applications, length of time spent is to be considered. There are reasonable schedules and then there is truncated schedules. Truncated comes into play when (at cost saving measures to the company), unrealistic expectations are met that both diminishes a product result but also psychologically creates double/triple duty to be considered. Compensation should be considered when cramming things in to meet deadlines of unrealistic expectations.

Equal pay is designed for when people are doing the same task either male/female/non-gender specific people. Is there a sliding scale on this in regard to new hires/current employees? The experience aspect factors into this completely where on a case-by-case basis companies would have to handle this one individually. If on-boarding new staff to provide the same task at a higher rate of pay than current employees, would that become a problem under equal pay? It is not so common knowledge if you want to increase your salary over your lifetime that it is best to not stay at companies for more than 3 years. This creates a self-created problem for those who prefer stability and longevity. You are more likely to get a major pay increase by switching jobs than it is to stay put with incremental changes annual (if at all). To find out new hires make more than one of loyalty and serves is an internal question that companies need to ask themselves on who is taken for granted.

I had an interview once where it was well below my paygrade but job and shelter come first. During the interview my experience, some 13 years at the time was discussed and of interest to them. The range of pay was $15-18. “If he wants to work at that price sure”. (paraphrased pretty accurately). I was eventually offered $17 with my experience. Not paying that extra $1 dollar was a total Dick move where again a company test was designed to create a basis where there were aspects of it that “Gets them every time.” (not paraphrased) in determining value per hour. Later that $17 dollars was more than what the ones training me were making. Ageism there as another experienced worker hired at the same time was discounted being experienced to the world while also another on-boarded at the same time was attacked on medical aspects that required her to bring a doctor’s note before returning for work. I guess in the end my experience was a blend of both of those and then a whole lot more. Output across the board for that company was looked at wondering how many people are gaming the system here?

I see why we don’t talk about salary. You find out that you get rated on far more than just experience and who you are as a person, but company loyalty (for some) actually starts looking detrimental to your own loyalty in the long term. The longer you have been at a company, the more likely you have an equal pay discrimination case. To look into that, I imagine secret shopping your company with current open positions could lead you to answers that may help you along the way.

I am unsure how this practice applies in favoritism of companies. If people around you are getting raises and supported by supervisors, it may be limited solely to their positions current or newly formed, but when other positions get dissolved it raises questions that go into more personal reasons than equal pay that may be discriminatory in other areas.

Title I of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 (ADA)
This law makes it illegal to discriminate against a qualified person with a disability in the private sector and in state and local governments. The law also makes it illegal to retaliate against a person because the person complained about discrimination, filed a charge of discrimination, or participated in an employment discrimination investigation or lawsuit. The law also requires that employers reasonably accommodate the known physical or mental limitations of an otherwise qualified individual with a disability who is an applicant or employee, unless doing so would impose an undue hardship on the operation of the employer's business.

I start with remembering the EEOC I filed in 2019. That should stop tracks before proceeding. I will let others look up the list of disabilities as it is long as should always be treated with respect of what is always a struggle for people to understand without experiencing things first hand.

Office gossip is very much a case-by-case basis where I’ve found myself not talking very much in the work place. Adaptive to the implied “Put up and Shut up” of how to handle things indirectly heard. As we look at each other what do you see first? Are you seeing what separates you from someone or what brings in commonality? That is rhetorical and private conversations with the self. Conversations you have with others are important to bridge that gap from instant distinction of difference to “Ok, where do we connect in crossing?”

Disabilities of any kind are from birth, experience or gained over time. It is a vulnerability to people and silent hurdles jumped to be afforded the same life as those who never claim a disability. Remember that. When you have confidants and people you rely on as social connection is important psychologically, what you tell them is connections and openness. If ever weaponized, that is a sign of the one with the weapon and never the person who has been betrayed in trust. To know people for any period of time creates moments of individuality that expand beyond the workplace and care should always be applied if the two mix. That is not a privacy issue, that is a respect issue and it creates problems in weaponization. Regardless of your out-of-work life, the workplace is designed as a safe space because it is symbiotic to you being there. If there is disruption, it affects the company. If there is fault, it is the company who becomes liable first before going down the line of individuals. In a world where we are possibly alone outside, inside becomes different and when told not to talk about something there is a reason for it.

I am not a teacher and I am not a master. I am a class act trying to tell you that however you present yourself once in the doorways towards others matters because we are all trying to put food on the table. I have no grudges. Nothing to settle. I have truths. I know lies. Secrets everywhere on what everyone goes through. If someone comes off hostile in the work place, you get out of their way and remove yourself from the situation. If someone is privy to things that fall into this section then it is best to never, ever attack on those regards. What happens when those of no disability create disability in others? Either way it is debilitating to listen to how people treat each other and when quick to judge. I’m not going to teach people to read correctly (definitely not in the grammar structure), but that “me” aspect has to also be an “others” aspect to find in self. As hard as it is for some, you have to leave attitudes at the door or even at home. Told once, “We don’t have to be friends.” when discussing getting to know you situations. I just thought to myself, “No…we don’t…but we do have to respect each other”. I suppose everyday they gave the silent treatment afterwards was more than enough to know that at least every day I said, “Hi.” and “Good Morning.” to absolute silence in return.

Sections 102 and 103 of the Civil Rights Act of 1991
Among other things, this law amends Title VII and the ADA to permit jury trials and compensatory and punitive damage awards in intentional discrimination cases. Effective - November 21, 2009.

How does this work when tried publicly before hand leading into the events of Feb 21, 2019? That is a specific question to my 2018/2019 experience.
HR departments are designed to prevent this question from ever occurring. Mostly for the liability of the workplace as they are the ones paying the bills (including your salary). When no HR is present, morality is there to a certain extent but things can run rampant if left untreated. If HR fails you, there are other avenues internally to explore before saying anything. Speaking is important and it is important to know when things are and are not confidential. I suggest if any of the above before getting to below have been affected to you negatively, file with the EEOC https://www.eeoc.gov/ if in The United States or reach out to the laws of your respective countries.

The Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act of 2008 (GINA)
This law makes it illegal to discriminate against employees or applicants because of genetic information. Genetic information includes information about an individual's genetic tests and the genetic tests of an individual's family members, as well as information about any disease, disorder or condition of an individual's family members (i.e. an individual's family medical history). The law also makes it illegal to retaliate against a person because the person complained about discrimination, filed a charge of discrimination, or participated in an employment discrimination investigation or lawsuit.

This is a very specific question and I have been directed by the EEOC of Wisconsin to search for people that have been negatively affected by a business practice. Depending on any claim that goes through the EEOC, they are required by law to investigate any case involving Federally-Contracted companies. This is mandatory and outside the fact of giving a claimant a right to sue or not.

I interviewed back in November 28, 2017 over the phone with Uline located in Wisconsin. Part of the interview/pre-employment process is to take a pre-employment assessment that covers 4 areas of comprehensive psychological assessments. It covered writing samples, A Disc profile (Tests used to identify/graphically present an individual’s behavioral style, Jung Typology (Psychological Tests that measures how you process information and interact) and a Sales success.

I followed up with them on March 13, 2022 when I came across the original email and was interested if the results were available with the user ID and code still present and active. The screenshot above shows that my results are still housed on their server. Results were never made available to myself and I have visual proof that they are still on file in their system as of March 17, 2022 even after not being offered a position.

I reached out to the original contact and was directed to another resource in the HR department who responded that they checked with legal and they do not release those results and that legally that they do not have to. I responded back firmly but politely citing HiPPA, Privacy Acts and ADA Discrimination concerns.

The concern here and where it goes into the genetic area is psychology has always been a grey area that matters scientifically and is comprised of individual specific structure of life events and leads into probable conclusions of actions and behavior assessments. The term genetic defers to the specific of an individual and in the case of these tests becomes highly confidential as it because a medical assessment that is also used to diagnose and treat people based on assumptions. This goes into possible disorder or condition diagnosis which the genetic law applies.

My concern for this was the extensive aspect of it. I recollected it when I told a similar but far less evasive one for a reason job application before remembering that I also took one as part of an assignment for a class this year. Again…not the same as basic tests you find for free, but all created to pull information out of you. With the knowledge of a User ID attached to my results, it is possible that they are being treated as medically viable and could potentially be outsourced material as Uline is not in the medical field but connected. The fact that any genetic information (biological or mental) is used in a hiring process goes straight into discrimination and way too much information provided beforehand to make assumptions based on probability. Failure to supply this information back makes this information held hostage from every applicant to Uline since at least 2017 regardless if they got hired or not. Otherwise it would not stay on their servers.

I was directed by the EEOC to do some more research on the matter and find others who may have been negatively affected by this practice so that is what I am doing in this regard. They are federally contracted so it is an obligation on their part. But just doing what I can as a private citizen to help along the way based on past experiences in the soul search of the EEOC office. If you were not hired by Uline and had to fill out this medical information and they don’t let you have the results…you may be entitled to compensation. But defer to a law office for further details. I do not know what they do with that information outside of employment purposes, but if you are wanting a possible free psychological exam, it is far more comprehensive than the free tests online and possibly comes with employment. Depends on if your personality and probability matches the hiring coordinator.

Title VII protect employees who work in places where state or local law does not prohibit employment discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity?

Official response from website: “Yes. As a federal law, Title VII applies nationwide and protects employees from discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity regardless of state or local laws.”

This one is important and since we have already talked about pregnancy. The sex talk continues just a little bit longer. I know this one is very difficult for us to have and may put you on edge but this conversation is had in households all the time. It is difficult. It is awkward. It is mostly awkward because no one really was trained to talk about it outside maybe Dr. Ruth and certain high school coaches. Some do not understand it and everyone has the prejudicial preference. I learned about reproduction and sex education by a priest in Catholic school. I have spent my life wondering so many things about that but it is nun of my business. I understand that too could lead to completely different doorways there that are no laughing matters when it comes to children and adults learning about sexuality and consent. These sex conversations are just going to keep occurring as you get older or when you need a refresher so here we go…

There are birds and there are bees.
Both are real in this discussion.

Now…birds…they hang out together. Long ago when they existed they would sometimes fly together in groups of mass quantity. These groups are called flocks. There were many, many types of birds back in the day and they would even flock around other different types of birds. Size did not matter for some as big and small sang in merriment in and out of tune of one another. What they sang to one another became common place of what is expected. Even in the cold there commitment to song rings true.

At night, where they nested afterwards was nobody’s business but prime time for some to get comfortable. The next day they would be right there gathering and singing at the same spots they have grown accustomed to playing in with no one asking what they did the night before. The guardians of the night shift knows what’s up though. They say the same thing…

”What you do in your nest is none of our business. We know when you are sleeping and when you are very awake.
Love to hang during the day but we aren’t really singers anyways. But… just know… we hear you loud and clear at all hours,
Feed us. Protect you. Its a code and no crying fowl.
Please quiet it down so early in the morning.
I’m off to bed.”

<It is about mutual respect between them. They let others know who’s there watching out.>

Hummingbirds all a flutter the next day. The smell of nectar in the air. They have planet their arguments against them for being the fastest. “Thy make up for it swiftly in infinity of being able to go backwards and do tricks you can’t even imagine.” Always good luck when you find a hummingbird. They are the bee’s knees to pollination.

While others stay grounded and keep their head in the sand, others venture out into new territories. Wishing they could secretly fly along, they pound the sand and say, “Size matters…they will be back…they always come back.” Aviator travel gives warning though. Protected species like knowing what gets brought back as a souvenir. Just ask the Condor.

The Great Migrations are seasonal where it is always good to spread your wings in new locations where flocks of a different color join at new hot spots and enjoy some vacation once in awhile while mingling. New place. New rules. Freedom from the daily chatter brings about a chance to really spread your wings and rediscover yourself. It is in those travels that one finds themselves in new perspectives and opens the door. Thoughts of the Ostrich on what they can’t see knowing The Ostrich will kick your ass if you get out of line but always a good ride as well. The Ostrich is where the heart is at home knowing they are familiar in their grounds and made it theirs only travelling elsewhere from others.

A meeting of the Nicobar Pigeons along the way. They are the nicest because they know the evolution of things. Things come and go and new mentality gets adopted based on experience and the futility of running in circles on the same argument over and over. No one wins it all but they appreciate others trying in their efforts. It becomes entertaining for them to watch knowing they join in from time-to-time. A lesson from the bees perhaps on how to get honey. They speak of the Cassowary knowing that if respect is given you will get it in return. “But I wouldn’t be so sure” they say. They find those who are compatible with them just fine and are used to their own title knowing their history. They are completely happy and aware of the paths treaded before, selective in who can approach them.

The bees do their thing. They are of a completely different mentality knowing the order of structure and how to approach matters that are not easily talked about. They run a very tight ship to where they nurture in nature knowing they are very protective and very aware of the dangers of the world. Groomed they say. I’ve written about this before. The actions of species is fascinating to know that there are many falcons and many pigeons. They branch out in individuality knowing their own experience is personal and from a family history of adaptation. You can never refuse the stories of persecution knowing biologically they pass on and those memories exist longer than a life-time. The unwritten word is powerful enough to say that communication is important and written aspects are amazing, but biologically you will have to understand the bridging of the gap with “Bambi” and empathy of natural selection and learned behavior. Peace and understanding is had knowing we have adapted to what has been presented to us. “Find the flaw” and you have a major problem with hive mentality. I can only go back to my Catholic school upbringing to cite a perfect example of hive mentality let someone suffer on a cross for hours on end while some enjoyed it and some hated it not knowing what to do. It was those who had influence that decided that. (That is important.)

Continuing on knowing we jump out of order. A Jabberwock of approach. “You do not know what you cut down in your heroic journey of story-telling.” An internal thought.

I referred to the nest, but always understand adaptability. There are those watching that are protecting and those that are taking advantage. The Cuckoo… Beware getting “Cuckoo’led” They watch the nests and see where they can sneak in to in order to have others do the work for them raising their young while attacking your own. It becomes personal to them and something they were raised to believe was appropriate. The fostering of that behavior was built from the watched parental notion of “love having no bounds” regardless of what you look like. The cuckoo watches the clock and when it is time they repeat that behavior over and over and over and over again. It is developmental learned behavior where overtime the Cuckoo must have really branched out in their awareness of other bird’s patterns. There is danger in their approach. What is on their nightstand is awareness of what worked in renowned status where it is your choice to revere while others try to persevere in your actions. Psychologically I’d say yes the diary of Hitler is probably fascinating from a medical/psychological profile. So is the Diary of Anne Frank knowing thankfully her father survived and had discretion on certain chapters. Having that cited nightstand in publication tells you exactly what people of power do when citing their own parents on learned behavior and housing conditions. They will tear families apart and do it over and over again. Which one is more powerful knowing I still contend on Max and if an artist was allowed to express himself with acceptance you might not have had a World War. Culturally we need to take a lesson from birds who learned from one another. What enters your house is sacred and can be misconstrued if not learned from either side.

“Do birds ever mate with other avian species? The New York Times recently tackled this question, and I found the answer fascinating: about 10% of the 10,000 known bird species have mated with another species” (Caron, https://www.audubon.org/news/the-amazing-world-hybrid-birds May 29, 2013)

My protection of the nest is not misconstrued and I talk invasiveness as I jumped very far ahead in what is a proprietary copywritten analogy. The lesson jumped is “stay out of people’s nests and safe places!” If you are not having sexual intercourse with someone it is none of your business. It is hard enough to approach people and it gets harder knowing everyone is an instant swipe right or left. Discount in any regard instant. To attack sexuality is more intimate than pregnancy because it is the beginning stages of opening up in a world where you may or may not be accepted. Weaponize that vulnerability and I’ll leave it here in my 8th bullet point knowing you do not ever get that privilege of using that towards official capacity or in any employment decision or personal vendetta. Sexuality is sacred in any aspect of the term and expression. Birthed privately it grows to maybe someone else is there to understand you. Knowing playbooks and mentality, an attack on a minority of sexuality is fully aware of what attacks on minorities have done in the past with future education provided in the United States to both Asian culture and Latino decent. Regardless of anyone’s sexuality common or not, use that as a weapon in workplace or otherwise is a hate crime in some regards or the most amoral thing someone could do before going into sociopathic tendencies.

We are all learning and the world was opened up in the 1990s with the commercial aspect of the internet. As we all grow together nothing is more sacred than use revealing ourselves naked to one another physically or mentally. We evolve as we can knowing others are watching one way or the other.

The amazing aspect to this story is all of these birds know each other. It started out in their inner circle and grew as they branched out. They know who to stay away from and who has been trained and reconditioned along the way. They sing in proximity knowing distance is relative. The vultures in particular spent lifetimes of punishment eating of Prometheus before saying, “Nevermore” and vowing to eat only from the dead and when provided. They appreciate life and they appreciate what was passed down to them knowing that much suffering is not forgotten with the same lessons told over and over. The Pigeons leave a peace offering knowing “We understand”. Adaptability calls for change and that happens physically from experience of over time and environment. Never say you can’t do something…the bees work hard at proving that point with their degree of expertise knowing what has flown and what will not fly again. They slowly are going extinct knowing they are the ones that give oxygen to the world indirectly. When attacked they swarm while they can knowing survival is important knowing they are doing their part to calm a storm or search for answers.

We are all trying to fly. We all know each other or are familiar. When it comes to getting to know one another, in this regard if anything on either side is used in a workplace setting based on a dating app, that is universal in its message. Zero excuse.

The story of bees. We weren’t meant to fly. Often discounted, never to be again. We are a life support and that has been a hidden secret of at least my 21 years of being an official bee. We tell stories. We share them. As we go from plant to plant we keep your alive as much as we try to stay alive. Almost wiped out while others protect what they grow, it is always essential to have the bees ready knowing they can move their hives and try to adapt any way they can in this world. Keepers there for sure, but some of us were not born with stingers and others learned along the way who is and isn’t a friend.

When it comes to intimate moments, I am a friend and I never ever want to have to write this out again. You have seen me naked and I know that is a way of saying I accept being on that stage in that capacity knowing it is important for growth. Clipped wings that even the birds of cages know the answer to. Instinct is always memory. Once flown you never forget. Once fallen the same. All you can do is try to teach empathy is remember if you enter the bedroom game, you are going to lose that sociologically knowing things have changed the last 2000 years while thousands of years prior are still the same. Privacy is a right to everyone and when used corporately you have zero excuse to ever tackle someone without their permission. If you wanted sex, approach appropriately…otherwise zero reason to discriminate on the basis of sexuality in any regard.

A talk about how we treat people. (still a placeholder)

Title VII protect employees who work in places where state or local law does not prohibit employment discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity?

I started my “Heroes+Villains” series with help from friends. A trash can lid and an idea. I was the first official entry in the series and it was birthed from my concepts and perspective. My Black Panther shoot was from a series of discussions prior and from meeting someone from the first time. Identity always a question in what is hidden behind masks. Those words my own written there knowing they speak in commonality of prejudice and quick judgement. I’m aware of what binds us and what others try to break apart. I was never a villain. If you wanted one I’ll gladly play one for a fee on a screen painted in my control of understanding knowing I speak for more from empathy than I ever will from divide. From my limited scope of never seeing the world completely, I’ve created my own that others have been welcomed or rejected into based on how we say “Hi”. The first image has never been printed by myself (the artist) and the second one is in safe keeping knowing we shared words and things borrowed.

I’ll remember that when you understand that you…

The Recipe to the Question: REASONS FOR END OF EMPLOYMENT

Awhile back I was writing an article on tackling the question on how to answer the approached question, “Have you ever been terminated?”

I made it pretty far into the the topic and wrote about it from a psychological point of view as well as from a professional stand-point before deleting it protecting others while making a stance. You do that from time to time when you know you are saying something that goes against the grain although it never goes away.

Here I am now almost a year later approaching the subjectry completely differently and much more stream-lined in approach by tackling it as answering the question, “Reasons for End of Employment”.

I’d self-admit as I have been job searching recently that the invasiveness of “reason for leaving” has not really popped up anymore in the applications I’ve applied to. The question always will show up and hiring managers will always look to see how long you stayed at places. It is unspoken but it is something that is looked at while others are told to mind their P’s and Q’s on how to handle that question without being taught how to do so. Employers want to know if you are commitment material or if they could just borrow you and send you on the way in other means after a short amount of time. (It totally depends on the company.)

Has the art of commitment been lost to the idea of not having to pay for sick or vacation? Full-time vs. Contract are two completely different worlds where in lieu of sick/holiday you get paid above the “average salary” to compensate while recruiting companies take on the burden of insurance and other areas that non-commitment moments make.

The job market has changed over the years to not overlook the contract rise over the full-time employment area. Long gone the question of making a life-time commitment, it is about instant gratification or perhaps manipulation of that system in some regards. (I repeat, every company is different.)

We are taught to never speak ill of past employment and that holds true. To speak ill is a reflection of self in how it is approached and it is always best to be objective and leave emotion out of it.

Perhaps you left for better opportunities. Perhaps you left from the slow cooker of being burned. Maybe either you or them smashed the opportunity to the point that there is never a return. How do you handle that when the question is asked from future employers?

Employment is necessary for survival or you need to have your own company and standards to go by.

When interviewing in 2022 (or really any time since the digital age), you are competing with 100s of applicants. That is true especially in the well named companies that know everything is in a name.

what is forgotten and discounted is what about your name? What about you and your contributions. If you are job searching it is either from lack of employment or a search for a better way of life. How do you sell yourself to companies who names are made and broken by the people they retain?

The trick is never let the bigger fish think you are worthless and to be cast back out. Every company is made of people who struggled, strove and made it or trying to make it. As you become one of the many fish in the sea, how do you separate the fact that either time is not given or people just know when they know?

That End of Employment question is always going to be there. I’ve seen the “Have you ever been terminated” question enough to say that you will be discounted on some regard for evening answering that honestly before they look at the company at hand. It is something they look for or would ask and could be embarrassing or an amazing story to answer. It depends on if you even get that far in the process.

I’ve made the decision to have an official “End of Employment” reason added to my CV for my 16-year professional history knowing others have had longer or shorter in experience. The decision made from the lack of interviews allowed in the digital realm and from a tired behavior of trying to creatively answer that question for each company in each application that involves researching the company, filling out the application, writing a cover letter and maybe getting a response of interview or rejection. I totally get it in the digital age and I never fault that. More people want to work than ever and it is incredibly difficult to get a foot in the door.

Perhaps I do it with Pie.

I’ve never been terminated in my life professionally until PureRED in 2019. My official response to that is on my Linkedin profile or on my website, www.philipbonneau.com/about

I’ve been terminated again in 2022 by The Savannah College of Art and Design. That official response too is on my Linkedin profile and my website.

The other stories are either mass lay-offs or resigning when new opportunities of growth arise. My career is pretty solid to say where things changed and how I am as an employee.

Perhaps in an attempt of creating compassion or passively reading a story, it is important to give foundation of facts of objectivity when it is your life and career. No matter the circumstance those questions will always come up and how you choose to answer it is best left to official responses privately or publicly. Both have their recourses and pluses/minuses.

I like the idea that if approached you know enough to get to the point on either side as both our times are valuable and should not be wasted.

I think of Glassdoor as an anonymous way to answer how to rate a company, but I question what are you being rated on indirectly before you even set foot in the door. Even now, I’ve had experience with personality tests before interviews that I am sure fall into the illegal category if results not submitted. A digital presence is there for anyone to look at and judge one way or the other.

What is being taken or perceived by our digital presence?

I leave the option up to the individual on if you choose to have a “Reason for End of Employment” on your CV but for me it falls back to a catering quote I took in at an early age where you are only as good as your last catering. That is always going to apply to who hires you and what you presented to them. You may get another chance but it will fall on your presentation.

For 5 years now I’ve made pie every way I could and I love the ingredients mixed in the background. I can not be faulted for my service despite the industry standards and I suppose it is appropriate to own words in class as much as it is to let people in for that 15-30 seconds of profile glancing.

In the end there will always be judgement, stories talked about or new adventures had.

Until then, a brave approach of Glass-dooring my experiences in the most professional way I can.

From my kitchen to yours,

We have all been there in either 3 of the realms.

Why this website? (The Way Things Are)

I created this site back in July of 2017 when Alfred Angelo was abruptly shut down and myself and all other employees and brides were left in the dark and left hanging to dreams, careers and days of dresses.

Never a fault of mine as those decisions came from above my paygrade and a search for employment commenced immediately by being approached by others in the industry that day while also not prepared to showcase works or submit portfolio as I, like others, just were not given warning. New traveled fast and was national/global in news.

Unemployed and with no income coming in, I dusted off my desktop, fixed my computer and began to collect and recollect my work while trying to find anything within my field to continue working and surviving. A task of hard-drives and lots of coffee, I worked with what I had available to me to get a PDF portfolio together at least to try that route since I never really understood a personal site before and never built one.

I invested my money in Creative Suite and with the guidance and review of the former Chief Creative Officer (retired well before the closing of AA), I worked on the sections of the PDF first before attempting to build a portfolio site for the first time.

I’d never really put most of my work in one place as it has been spread out between various profiles and worked its way through the internet over the years. As I began to build, it was the amazement of the work created even after 3 years of not really focusing on my personal visual works yet still focused on my literary sides. Most of the visual work on the early site was from Atlanta before working with the former CCO on how to tackle what had been the last 3 years of my work, namely Alfred Angelo and Disney Fairy Tale Weddings by Alfred Angelo.

Each page goes into more my thought process and marketing that has branched into blog posts and concepts that with the right help could always be something viable (“if only I had a team”). I never shy away about not being compensated properly at AA and my CV points in the direction of responsibility that multiple people would be doing in other companies. In the end, the image rights are mine due to breach of contracts and non-payment as with most of the vendors at the end of Alfred Angelo.

The picture above, the hard work of Senior Creative Manager who happens to have years of experience in photography creating something special knowing you can never separate the two positions when multi-tasking. (Always an idea on where to go and where to subtly push things, it is my belief AA was a year out from being very successful at least on the marketing side).

After Alfred Angelo, it was about 300 job applications (no-exaggeration) before landing a contract position while delivering flowers on the side through a friends company. Wasn’t a permanent position, but it was a chance to rebuild and start back over in The Phoenix City confused, at times embarrassed to come back thinking I failed career-wise and 100% broke. Still made it though with help from friends and family though.

My about me goes into a short story of where I am at today so no need to re-cap. I think where I want to talk about is that 4 times unemployed aspect since Alfred Angelo as money dwindles right back to $0 again and for no reason behind it so. Aspired to do school to prevent past experiences and always welcomed the idea of leaving school as well for the right opportunity. COVID changed the expectations of the experience, but as showcased it was taken in with all my heart and was succeeding in that regard.

Look around the site and you don’t get everything. Never will here. Probably there is allot more here than other pages, but that is also because 300+ applications does that to someone. Lucky if one gets an email back while others fighting to be noticed from 100s of applications via’ing for the same position. It is never from a lack of people not wanting jobs, so many of us are out there trying to make it.

I like to think my website is a “Look but don’t Touch” approach. A collection of jars of pennies built thoughts of working with what you have to be creative or be profound. I’ll always laugh at the seemingly Narcissistic aspects of personal pages at times, but then again….we have social media accounts and this one just fleshes things out to be a “Get to know me or drop a line and get to know You”. We all are out there trying to make it.

I’m protective and open at the same time knowing my words are valuable in that they come from the heart, but also that “due to a series of unfortunate misunderstandings”, I just have not found the right fit yet nor approached even though I try. Just because something is on here, it doesn’t mean you have the right to take it and if so remember it is being taken by someone who is hitting $0 dollars again in situations that never needed to occur if people act with compassion, professionalism and with understanding.

Always a good motto that The Golden Rule still applies in this world and one day the things we take for granted become lost or forgotten. I suppose my journey will go in one direction or the next as I plot out courses here and there. Hope goes a long way and never something to be locked in permanently. With all the bad in the world, why hold onto the one thing just for yourself? It is appropriate to release it knowing as it spreads it will come back to you as well.

Purgatory Taken. We move forward.

Copyright Philip Bonneau. At least the banner still exists.

I’m trying to decide where to go from here.

I’ve compiled my works from Blogger to either be downloaded or published since 2019. Ugly Simple Truths: A Companion a protected book not ever for sale publicly which I hold great amount of weight on as it was me revealing 23 truths while others gave me one for a series that will always be fascinating to explain on where the curated aspect lies and what I protect.

A continued journey of modern psychology and therapy, it proved itself right then and later in life. I think on the past day knowing it was not unexpected and leave the door open to one way or the other on the things hidden behind closed doors.

I would have never deleted my blog as most were hidden publicly since 2014-15….even 17. I moved to Florida sharing in the beginning and found my answer of my search to a Heaven to be quite personal as I’ve known the answer would always be that way.

That comes from judgement. That comes from experience. Open enough and you find that either people admire you or read you for filth. Never I on the filth. Always a doorway to conversation and openness saying we are all learning together.

I remember my Ugly Simple Truth Blog.

The most amazing thing to ever happen to me is have complete strangers walk up to me and say “thank you” and use that as an introduction to the most amazing people I have ever met. I remember the vulnerability of having my boss and co-workers preview the show knowing I shouldn’t be there for that experience to have them come back in tears of what was never just “my story”. It was always our story and a safe space to be had. The evening of the opening reflected on “Black Light Confessionals” that allowed others to express themselves in a safe space as well.

I’ll never forget the empathy of connection in that series. It’s universal and I learned my lessons on Beautiful Layered Lies to protect a full version of it for showcasing in its entirety as well as my artist prints knowing it could be expanded on in an everlasting exhibit of “facing your fears” while also touching on emersion therapy that was and is creative for its time.

I’ve been scared to touch Blogger since 2019.

I’ve been scared as those blogs published and unpublished were impeded on in places that never should have been. I could talk about a “here’s our chance moments” all I want, but I still digress of being stronger enough to know that I protect my family, my models, their stories, my story. I can’t choose between my “Heroes+Villains” or my psychological work to even begin to grasp trauma from a Divine Comedy sense.

They both are monumental and where we are at now led to Sphinx riddles that are not freely fleshed out in argument in digital format but completely solid, as well as someone or many are trying to make this right in the world.

We are trying to make this right.

I’d say at times I am scared. I am. As I should be. Cards stacked against me and companies knew that prior three years ago. It wasn’t for the benefit of me nor is it a benefit now knowing where I shine is never to let this happen to people younger or older to me ever again.

Perhaps I have my paternal grandfather in me who’s patents changed the world to be written off by others. Perhaps I have my maternal grandfather in me who wrote the math books and told the universal language of storytelling and wonder. Maybe I am my paternal grandmother who put kids first and loved the growth. Maybe I am my maternal grandmother who knows acceptance of culture and dedication of the heart to have a 40/50/60 year marriage work. I’d say I’m my parents. Rapunzel in one aspect as my mother a house-wife of 20 years who wrote a “Life and Times of Rapunzel” in 1996 not knowing the world and entering it for the first time. I’m sure a bit of my father as I question everything and yet still allowed to wander and wonder knowing regardless of speaking there is connection.

I couldn’t make up my journey, nor should I. Reality in my regard has been exciting, frustrating and disappointing all at the same time.

I think of the responsibility of knowing why Alfred Angelo went under and I can talk about the need for survival all I want, but that information is always going to be growth in what I have never gotten answers on personally while holding weight to the connection I have with the brides of the gown knowing I am not the one at fault for that company and never will be.

I could speak of the contract position and go with my experience from there. Never should one, “Put up and Shut up” as a paraphrase to disclosing commentary of how others treat each other and how I was treated.

I could go down the list from there as my Alfred Angelo experience derailed my expected life and created a new one from it. My journey led to hope and led to heartbreak in re-establishing dreams. I’ll never forget that nor should I.

I think of a blog completely erased as I do what occurred Feb.15, 2022 on my Facebook page. That was something I’ll never erase and it is my motto I do not delete, I’ll correct in comments or I’ll correct in a new post. I do not delete knowing I will question things that are uncomfortable for me.

Perhaps it is time I listen to things that were difficult to hear at the time of. As people read off “Truths of the Day” they have to understand they were at least 4-5 years old. In any capacity it always remains; never reveal something socially that you are not ready to tackle head on.

I wrote “Curated Jellyfish: A Paradise Lost “ in late 2019. I copyright pended it knowing what I had experienced and it was proven to be acted upon on ways I do not have the answers individually to solve.

I never will alone.

That book’s history is not inflated and my work is not inflated either. Scientific, Artistic, Theology, Human.

I suppose I needed to say that knowing the Ugly Simply Truth Blog is not there anymore but will always be copyright protected and possibly backed up by Blogger admins on proof.

Seeing Red? Donate Blood Today - Proactive Choice of Faux "Give a Care; Get a Can" Campaign

A brief test in time management on this Sunday afternoon. Working with what I have available, a mock-up campaign to become involved in the online discussions against The Coca-Cola Company and Pepsi in a different approach.

The thought was to get the message across that instead of bashing companies for not doing enough every day, start with donating blood (as allowed once every 8 weeks) in a play on words of the anger directed online towards either company.

By spinning the phrase “Seeing Red” to the presence of companies, it allows a conversation to be had about proactive activism of saving lives while saving keystrokes before action is taken.

Saving the world one keystroke at a time, bigger discussion can be had where once donated it is recommended to eat and drink something after donating about a pound of your blood to save lives.

Wanna “kick the can”, do so after saving lives and then play it forward as Coca-Cola proudly supports blood donation centers globally and annual.

GIVE A CARE; GET A CAN.

I’ve still yet to come up with it on the Pepsi side on how it could be partnered. This one is blood. Pepsi could be focused on Tears. Still need one more for Sweat which both companies have Gatorade or Powerade to play with.

A mock-campaign to put myself to the same tests I would ask of others.

-Philip A. Bonneau

#Fieldday - A Grassroots Adventure in Advertising and Brandin'

Image Copyright Philip Bonneau
“One last piece of advice, write cards with your friends. Nothing in Cards Against Humanity was written alone. Good luck…”

The concept for #FieldDay was concepted out months prior to the Big Game. I am unsure if am allowed to say Super Bowl, but I think as long as I express in the beginning that I am not affiliated then I should be ok. Copyright says I can mention it, but always good to make sure we stay friends with everyone. The rules I believe apply only to packaging and official sponsors/partners.

While working in the basement as an Assistant Manager for the last 3 years and simultaneously working on a Masters, I imagined myself working in a marketing firm bringing brands together to play off of each other and promote the spirit of the most viewed single sporting event of the year. The idea would be to playfully go against other brands in sport and have it be a combination of TV advertising/social media/OLV. Where everyone could get in on the game day events officially or unofficially in a Field Day capacity of inclusion to those with marketing/budget constraints.

I was abruptly terminated from my position Feb. 10th, 2022 and with it my schooling ended with it as affordability was always a perk of employment while I paid taxes on the classes. With it 3 years of work not in vain, but time to relax before getting started again.

Click on image for Linkedin Profile

Not to let life get the best of me, I wanted to step away from the reality of unemployment and continue the vein of the joy of what I imagined in a capacity of what I had afforded to me. I approached the social media aspect with the ability to say hello, play nice and promote every brand I could while trying to acknowledge everything on screen to pay respect to the game and to the companies that spent millions on advertising in sportsman-like conduct.

Click on Link for Twitter Profile

I started the day with Land-O-Lakes. Not your typical connection to the Super Bowl, but with the most viewed sporting event and being “A Main Event” of Marketing, it was important to blend, reach out and start the idea of how much fun social media managers and corporations could have on this day in organized connections and collaborations. Meta is the theme of 2022 according to the WSJ and I approached the pre-games to be as such while being personally reflective afterwards. As viewer/consumer interaction is at an all time high, #fieldday allows for all-day interaction that is already accounted for during The Super Bowl’s 4-quarters and Halftime Show that branches engagement into possibly sweepstakes, mini-adventures and fun and games. To be successful is to be respectful of the timeslots during the game/half-time itself as those are very coveted spots that could be in on the field day or not while being officially a part of the show. It is a possible evolution of creating rules while understanding viral engagements can never be fully predicted. Human connection cannot be predicted, only tested prior.

Where things start and where things end are serendipitous in story-telling.

First rule of trying to make it is work with what you have available. Being known for handmade approaches at times and without access to Creative Suite, the personal touch was important to me. I thought of how ideas form on paper first and then grow over time and from year-to-year. It is my thought that if successful and the spirit continues, it adds a grassroots marketing campaign that can refined every year with teams and tributes selected of fun rivalry and sport.

My approach came from the original Cards Against Humanity grown from college students who was able to take a hand-drawn approach and create a company that promotes humor while also social statements annually through random acts of kindness, digging a hole, social testing and charitable contributions.

Even on their website they still promote the idea of hand-drawn cards and making things your own unofficially or officially with their “Your Shitty Jokes” pack of blank cards.

About a week and a half prior, I thought of something fantastically similiar to transform the movie theater experience from the outside in of promoting healthy competition and playfulness week in and out with motion movie posters that could provide entertain before entering the theater and drive creativity in marketing based on tradition of acknowledgement when top crowns are given within the industry. Weekly they could change out based on box office and personality of movie could evolve into the posters. Look up the Fighting Columbia Lady for reference on Youtube and apply that to movie posters and even movie trailers in some aspects. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2p08-skQDwA

“…and playtesting. This contains some of our best tricks and advice for writing good cards and won’t ruin your game.”

Being jobless yet again, it is/was my hope I could get recognized or picked up at some point. The main thing about the day was feeling like I belonged and had a chance to be a part of something. Back in 2019, I was to be a photographer for the Atlanta Super Bowl, but internal issues left me out of the stadium and still enjoying the game/festivities from the outside while making about $50 bucks for several hours work. Was worth it to say I was there.

A test of theory of how this would work in later years, I approached social media by at the very least acknowledging those that put on the game first and to insist on my sportsman-like conduct just in case 1 of millions/billions was being watched.

As I tried to tackle every brand I could, it was never fully meant to be a one person show.

A test of concept that could be expanded on next year. Attempted to interact between my social medias properly, but found Twitter to be the one I used the most. Having multiple hands in future endeavors could be proven exciting for both marketing firms, brands and social media influencers to join in on organized campaigns in the spirit of teamwork.

Keeping with the theme of the game, I enjoyed the hours of entertainment in my bootleg home version of trying to make it one way or another in the world. At the end of the game I used one of my own images that was an evolution of visuals from my “Starving Artist” series but with the message “I work well with others.” Although much work I would still do if ever a industry image, it was a start in the right direction and a thank you after the game to promote myself a bit after everyone else had their play.

Days later I mapped out my whole social media interactions and expanded on the why’s and what not’s of some of my posts personally to be fleshed out at another point. As I handwrote my documentation, I made brand comments and ideas for myself and others sprouted from that in giving thanks of a day of festivities where I felt like I was part of the team.

I got towards the end of my recap on 2/23 and came to a fun way to summarize what the day was to me with my final notes.

“#Fieldday. It started with a cow going to another owner and then up the twitter feed (we climbed) to meet The Giants. an afterthought or just amazing syncronicity of repertoire? Jack of all trades in promoting everyone while no income coming in to sustain. A little person trying to survive. Money is going to be tight as we go back to the WIC program.” (EBT/Snap for me as I don’t have children)

I immediately went out on a search between Food Lion/Publix/Kroger/Whole Foods (in that order) to obtain a collection of Green Giant products to photograph around it. Not a studio shot and definitely would loved to have set that up differently, but it stayed in the heart of working with what was available at the time while codex is always important to remember that there are starving artists out there everywhere trying to make it every day to put food on the table and survive employed or not.

FUTURE FOOD FOR THOUGHT

I find it important to link to my social media threads on here for record or to reach out however you feel comfortable. Well before the last year I thought if I were to have a marketing company of my own I would call it Brandin’. Something approachable yet charmin’ as I never am able to pronounce ‘ing’s” correctly. Things have changed over the last year but still important to note that there is approachability, seriousness and humor. I tend to fall into all of those categories and when it comes to any brandin’ of any company it is key to remember it is THEIR voice and you get to borrow it or train it.

As I’ve lost my place in this world and search for a job, maybe you can help me find my voice and where I am to fit in this for sustainability. The goal is to always work together and pick each other up and eventually have faith in one another.

Thank you for letting me continue on sharing parts of my journey here and there.

-Philip Bonneau

Contact Me

About me

Click on Image to be directed to my personal Facebook if you prefer, but please message instead of blind request.

The Golden Rulebook

I write this now with navigation on my site not working at the moment. I’ve managed to get here through clicking of some areas. Is this a glitch or was this an attack based on yesterday’s post? It is not uncommon at this point as Feb. 15, 2022 was a direct attack on my Facebook presence and followed through with one of my held back copywritten works of art that should clear the way for what the past 2-3 years has been in follow the tides to those waters. It has since been fixed but brings the reality of sense of space that has been created.

As daily I have have witnessed modification to my social media, the safe space of a privately held website is more protected than social media platforms. They knew that. They have always known that. As internal folders opened constantly on my site I’ve asked to “Tidy Up” and have reported what I could when I could.

I’ve adapted over the years (documented over a decade now of helping the common good through my work). I refer to The Golden Rule that is practiced globally and in most religions. Regardless of your belief system it is about doing unto others as you would have done unto you. It is the foundation of how to live and be admired/respected or at the very least acknowledged. If we do not treat each other in a capacity of respect for one another then we shall be doomed to repeat past mistakes and stories that have already been told and learned from collectively. Individual journeys of lessons and experience should always be dealt with compassion or wonder of watching identity form as people become who they are supposed to be with guided/unguided hands. To hinder a reflection of the mirror that some accept and some look at in shame. To promote or guide in a positive direction a worthwhile endeavor where indirectly/directly you made a positive difference in some one’s life story and journey.

There is always the unexpected negative results that occur along the way. Communication helps heal that if possible or if it cannot be resolved/fixed/maded up then there is always the pay it forward approach of don’t do things that hurt others and constantly learn from where you came before. Unknowingly we touch people positively or negatively every day. Maybe one day these words affect you one way or the other. We are emotionally-based and expression is important to craft and mold through out our lifetimes.

The advent of social media created an explosion of expression. So many people who never had someone to talk to suddenly discovered that so many others in the world have been looking for the same thing. Connections. Acceptance. Casual Talk. All of that builds into relationships of friends or more. Through social media through the prolific MySpace and Facebook to the dating sites, identity is formed as we reach out to connect and discover who we are while learning who U are. We discover together who we are in those spaces that once where land-lined or handwritten telegrams and letters.

As my experience has been in life, I’ve dealt with bullying, non-acceptance, questioning and struggles. I’ve experienced the positive side of the world as well. Friendships, connections, comradery…there is beauty in looking past the negative aspects that people do.

To answer why someone willfully attacks someone negatively is not a question I am prepared to understand. The Golden Rule is pretty strong in me and I’ve fought my good fights against those that have their own journey stories playing out. As I’ve never understood personal attacks, I know it is also from not knowing me very well if at all. I imagine that is the same for other people. Misunderstood guidance of not knowing people’s life story or not caring to hear it anyways? Always have been an open door and have tried to evolve my thoughts along the way.

Amazing how I referred to this place as a “safe space” yesterday and boom…”a glitch” occurs and now I think of the other known “safe spaces” that were invaded. One week into an apartment finally in Atlanta after a year of couch-surfing and rebuilding from Alfred Angelo’s Company end and boom….something entered into the work place that disrupted that feeling of finally having a home again to call my own knowing even rental spaces are homes made and never owned. I stand tall during those months after figuring out what was/is provable to getting conclusive answers and leaving as breach of contract was had from both the contractor and the company that was to protect me. I try to make it to Macon and spent along the way, mentally exhausted. Confused I stop and work my way there before having someone else drive me to Savannah as I slept in the backseat of my car drained and spent. I find a new job that is permanent and not contract 2 months later. Starts well and first chance of entry, someone came in and disrupted again. Things heard that cannot be disputed and definitely grudged in nature. I knew at the other company of phones for sure. Found out at the other one phones, computers and mirroring of screens.

As I listened everyday it was to survive as food was needed, bills to be paid, a roof to maintain over my head. Comments against my loved ones heard as blogs published and unpublished were to be used to be attacked while every version of my website held. The final day there was a breakdown of knowing someone’s words could have changed the course of the entire past year. From that I attempted suicide.

11 days away, I know not what happened on the other sides. I am sure it is known by some and I know their hearts will have to answer to The Golden Rule. I was fired the minimal 3 days required citing “job abandonment” when there was calls made to say I was in the hospital. With everything that was going on, they knew. They made their decisions. I made mine and then walked back from it and reached for help. That is the last time I would ever even consider suicide as it is a gift every day to come back from that (which takes time…so much time). If it wasn’t for family I’d be on the streets anyways and probably dead one way or another.

I rebuilt in the comfort of 20 years of knowing someone in a capacity of a “safe space” that did quite well for the first 1+. COVID affected any place of business, but there never was an issue and always trust in rebuilding a place to work in comfortability know NEVER would the last 2 conjoined situations ever happen there. Comments made of “They have tried this before.” occurred and I imagine similar actions of pressure could have been placed on others to go in different directions. I sense that pattern of connection. At some point “the safe space” got attacked on a professional/personal front. Never was the same afterwards no matter how I continued to survive/thrive/do my job and work towards a new life. The “safe space” of my residence definitely invaded and property taken that again go back to the conjoined companies and the history there. The came the “safe space” of my social media profiles and then the “safe space” of my life’s work attacked. We persevere and I continue to push myself in way that could help so many people but once tapped into external drives that no one belongs in and actively delete, then I do not have sympathy for the actions on why that is. I don’t because I don’t understand how one could get there to begin with and now I see the high money value of what I’ve done and what has been ripped apart. Even my own works I spent my life on I question if I could ever sell again knowing that was allowed to happen. I’ve accepted the phone for quite some time knowing it too an art tool of expression and established. I handwrite now knowing at any time since already invaded that those books could go “missing” knowing they would just appear elsewhere to someone else’s benefit down the line.

The journey from suicide attempt and breakdowns of information overloading of collecting everything internally to protect is not a journey wished upon anyone. With no internet I repeat my steps and have built from there knowing it is a guided un-numbered paged book in a version that may never be completed in a final form of by myself. The journey takes years and the situations call for adaptability and change which I do well to a certain degree.

I am writing out my copyrighted #8, The Golden Rulebook. It is important to note that we are not always going to be here and when we are gone it is the memories others have that hold on or transform how one thinks of others and of self.

The Golden Rulebook, Philip Arthur Bonneau, 2/25/2022 1:50pm EST

The social presence lasts longer than a lifetime. It is important to brands. It is important to public figures. It is important to the everyday person.

In the age of hacking and willful intent, it is important to lock down abusers who would cause damage to a social presence by adding/deleting/editing content without permission across any platform.

As trustees are assigned to specific platforms in the event of death, a social presence has become a footprint to identity and a digital marker used for memories, data collection & litigation.

In discovery it is important to note & report when acts occur as duty-bound individually and as organizational official capacities.

At the time of this writing at least 2 of my social media accounts have been tampered & reported. It calls into question any social media post as either being done by me or not while questioning any edits that could not be completely validated in the event of death.

As with interaction on social media & the WWW, our comments last longer than a lifetime and should be fair warning on what you put on the internet. A reflection protected by free speech, but imagine any figure, public or private, collecting what is on the internet & making a keepsake (not-for-sale) of things on either side to remember the good & the bad & also the hilarious.

A warning to trolling…

There are good trolls and there are bad trolls.

Watch the hate speech, but as always free to say whatever but sometimes there are unexpected repercussions.

Philip A. Bonneau 1:06PM (although I am sure this is 2:06PM), 25 February 2022

I share that knowing today a modified image appeared in my memory feed that makes no logical sense to me as I own the high resolution image if I were to modify it and the inclusion of the modification would have changed my entire perception of an image that is not allowed to be modified. As one passes, in such this case, I look back at the memories of those I’ve connected with that showcase I had the files available and constantly grow, remember and respect.

With my digital presence still growing in importance to myself but maybe to others, I’ve noticed the modifications and even when people delete files. In the end this copyright work of art throws all of that into question that will always be where other people can tell that story one way or the other. But major changes here and there have added up in things I just can’t touch or work on anymore in fear of retaining what I have left and not connecting it to the internet/computer. Even this website, a time bomb if I do not renew it every year. One day it will disappear and it will never be while I am alive. If ever.

The Golden Rulebook is pretty simple. Our lives mattered. Our words matter. Somewhere decades/centuries from now, that data will still exist and there will be judgement or analyzation from unknown strangers trying to figure out who people were or are. As we leave a visible footprint, invisible footprints are made every day that create a pattern of reflection and circumstance.

If I am to be continually attacked so must it be true that I could be continually protected over watchful eyes on either side. I fight from a place that is not what is always expected…with an open heart but strength built over time to one day be able to have a life of normalcy again or one of security knowing any person would want the same for themselves.

Thank you for letting me speak while I have what I have.

-Philip Arthur Bonneau

The Secret is in the Sauce

I have a beginning and I have an end. It is hard to think how things intertwine and mix year after year without thinking about the fundamental aspects of how does one survive and is there support or not to help along the way. The answer is always yes despite the adversaries that we face.

I think of the last several days and cannot help but reflect on the weeks/months/years that come together to create identity and who we are and who we want to be. There is the day job and there was the school aspect. There is the personal life and there is the public aspect I share. We are all mixtures of comfortability and what is scary at times and brave in others. To walk in ignorance in any aspect of what I have written prior would be foolish of myself. I know what I have said and it is either a bottle lost to the sea or read and changed upon. Time will tell on that as I know where my heart is.

I question if it is narcissist to talk of self or explain self in this environment. To be heard or understood is fundamental to society and individuality so I don’t fret much on it as much as I try to stay true and grow connections and us together. At least here I own the content and approach myself on this stage knowing it will always be a “Get to know me if you take the time” as well as “Marco. Polo. Maybe I’ll be found and have another life.” “Commonality and understanding is always important in connection and opportunity.” At least on here I know protection enough to know that owning your words matter enough in your own “safe” space. I’ll always try to create a safe space in my artwork, in possible inventions and in places where being a voice to listen could save a life in the future knowing my own has been allowed to speak longer than expected.

A memory that popped up today on Facebook. “Last night u got the beginning. Tonight you get the ending. It's the in- between that u have to wait for.” (3-9-2021) “3-9's connect the soul.” (3-9-2022) - An Only Me post.

Above is an excerpt from my book that is not available for sale. It won’t be under these conditions and it protects as much as it transforms what can be. I self-published it out of understanding the situation of what was created after I made the decision to go from handwritten to designed. No internet. Time to grow. Time to be touched again if at all. That is what trauma and life experience does at times knowing there is so much more good in the world to balance out the things I went up against. Secretly I found strength internally while also being ripped apart .

I don’t talk much about my book because it is not self-promotion as much as it could be something that is interesting to areas of government, religion and science. It is both non-fiction and fiction and interesting to wrap an entire life and try to sum it up saying this is me trying to connect with U one way or another. I can talk of invasion of privacy but I have grown tired of it and accepted that things happened how they happened either by others accords and never by my consult or “behalf” knowing I’d be better off now than I was before. Evolution of course in thought, but as unemployed and documented accordingly, I’d say others ran their course.

I stepped away from A Divine Comedy when I went to school. I entertained the idea of my Heroes + Villains that were established in 2010-11. A Divine Comedy far longer knowing that any Divine Comedy is about perspective and personal experience. It is different for everyone and no reason to believe that the order changes per person and deities end up in other places…even Heaven if going to do so properly. That will never go away that Dante’s life was scholarly, but also at a sacrifice of becoming political and being banished from his beloved Florence to live a life most do not really know as they focus on Beatrice and Dante and the beauty of it in any regard that history tells of childhood love or a love he was never supposed to have as she was taken. The correct answer to any translation of Dante’s work would be “A Divine Comedy” knowing he wrote “The Divine Comedy” which became the number 2 most influential English written book outside of The Bible. I fear I’ve touched on both to expand message and compassion knowing both involve evolution of thought with no agenda but to bring us together in understanding.

I imagined, if ever an opening to a cinematic version, of “The Divine Comedy” that it starts with the COEXIST logo dangling like a Calder mobile with shadows cast upon it. Scissors enter the picture against a plain background. Originally white in thought but admire the grey of neutral thought and territory.

(All strings cut at once)

They fall off the screen and the camera moves with it. They embed in the sand and dirt. Light turns to darkness and the symbols are left to form their identity or be lost and never discovered.

Some hidden and some left half seen. Placement important as weight of gravity takes over with winds covering as time passes on.

A hand picks up something from the dirt not knowing what it is.

(Night time) (Internal thought)

Midway through my(a) life I grab something I do not understand and carry it with me lucky I have found something I know nothing about what it represents.

(Darkness of into the blue of wooded areas before wolves and gates exist.)

I imagine this project to be global to properly portray any version of “A Divine Comedy” but to tackle any modern version of “The Divine Comedy” that would be an interesting start.

I’ve walked in the footsteps and shadows of the greats and have approached myself in trying to understand psychology and artist intention. To me, that scene is where I am at in my life and perhaps where I was 3-5 years ago. Just my interpretation but also a world cinema effort if ever to tackle such a feat knowing Dante was biased and still deferred to the greats of his time and before to complete his version of Heaven. Even Virgil and Beatrice eventually said, “You are on your own on this one.”

I’d love to talk to Italy one day about “The Divine Comedy” on the aspect of Beatrice and Dante knowing I have empathy for both. Artist and inspiration rights questions exist on both on what is proper and what is best for either side. I am both Beatrice and Dante in exploration only but never will place anyone in any circle/mountain or sphere.

As cursed out words heard in Rome echoed through the streets, the Vatican was an ear-shot away from where things played out in my contributions to society. That one is protected and true in what it represents knowing I was attacked on that front multiple times while finalizing my version of psychological interpretations based on Dante’s work. I confessed now knowing how amazing my self-discovery was then and what came after in people’s decisions. Big topics of evolution of thought to go from “Alice in Wonderland” as a child to “Through the Looking Glass” of “The Divine Comedy”. That is over 30 years of work knowing perhaps longer in the regard of my recollection of 2-3 years of age.

Where I ended up with in my Masters was the concept of “Starving Artist” while I was in school with lack of means and funds to execute it properly but also the point of what creativity spins when left to the imagination. Work with a budget. Cite exploitation and where others are lacking because of other means. Where can that change occur? Where can the positive difference be made? Even today I coined “foodsplotation” in a cover letter to find a job now unemployed and out of school. A term like that and a concept in the way I presented it only comes from experience that others can connect to and empathize with on where we go from here. It is not perfect, but it resonates that the secret is in the sauce of experience to admired or discounted. Passion will always exist in my work.

I thought of that in perspective opportunities and “I work well with others”. In or Out, I try to have others not have the same experience as myself or perhaps maybe the lesson is let yourself be free and see who admires you for you. There is always the technical critique and there is always the message behind it. That is what mentorship is and that is what nurturing is.

COVID changed my school experience but it was always my intention of working with my own earned equipment and work within the means of what is afforded of a low-income budget at my age and from where I’ve been in the past. School will never own my work nor do I think they would ever try as they could only promote anyways and never profit. Commonality of previous posts knows my heart is with all the artists of the world and seeing where things have fallen and where things need to be changed.

I ask myself and you the same question, “What piece of the mobile are you going to pick up?” I’ve picked up so many pieces to know that together there is a solution but I have to pick and choose as one person is incapable of so much alone. Big ideas and concepts are broken or made by others.

As it is now I am a starving artist. Have been most of my life. I photograph now or document with my EBT card to express the humility of where I am and where I have been before knowing that “we keep on keeping on” one way or another. Would love to talk and understand why I stay guarded as well. From one country to a next there is always class and there is always perseverance. Artists always write history and showcase time. Visually through words, expression or through metaphor. We are all artists in a way that we have to learn our expressions to one another always leaves the door open for interpretation of others.

As I search to reach out this is one starving artist to another from either “Been there before…” or “How can we help each other?”

The secret is in the sauce.

A proof of ownership from a Starving Artist. A calling card of humility knowing where it was birthed from and what it could represent globally from so many different perspectives. “What’s On Your Plate?”

Copyright Philip Bonneau. Protected and forced on Social Media as only 2 of my 9 pieces exist in public forum. Downgraded but it is my hope you cite, contact or help. To steal is on your conscious and regardless if we meet or not in book form or on this page. We are all connected more than you know.

I’ve gone through and made sure everything is spelled correctly. I write how I speak and it takes a minute to get used to. Grammar is important and so is my unique writing style. Do not alter a personal website as other platforms have been called into question. Never have I modified a blog post after posting it on this site. I understand the downfall of where I could grow uniformly and where I choose to use my voice. Both points are valid in established artist/author who still always adapts to other brands and people while building my own. #8 calls into question platform where I still retain I work well with others.

Image taken from my phone by Dan Kamykowski under my direction. Very slight alterations made and would treat it, as I do all my other works, as a painting if I had access to “The Creative Suite” at this time. Would have art-directed croppings and taught better a learner of photography, as I did with other photos in this series, but to teach someone is not an instant lesson. It is taught over time and practice. Patience of mood for me as every day I worked on my own images to paint a feeling of empathy where technology as skill lacked. A growth knowing if a reshoot was available the equipment I would use, perhaps a wet surface of green reflecting on the ground. In the rain or just after? November 25, 2021

(My initial post of this picture as shared on Linkedin a month or two ago.)

Began to write a very honest answer to this picture back when I was in Paris in November. Those writings were accidently lost. The message still there to be a story of past, present and future in hopes it is something transformative. I'll write more later on art direction and meaning.

A picture speaks more than a 1000 words.

Saw the window art across the street next to Dior. A dinner to be thankful for at the Bistrologist down the way knowing how you present yourself is important. Silverware is silver worn.

To see something catch your eye and ask to walk across the street was known internally what I was seeing and how to approach it...never alone.

Dreams and transformations are had, forgotten or misplaced everyday. Phoenix, fenice, Phoenix cities, Phoenix countries, Phoenix origins and transformations of A dream. I think to myself Strive. Thrive. Commonality in translations occur. We are in this together. (I say internally)

To see Paris is a once in a life-time event for me knowing my limited means has had travel evaded for most of my life. The only other time overseas was in Italy with miles saved since college and gift from my grandmother to make it occur.

As I pondered on my adventures in Paris, I imagined a life I could have had and may still have one day as things wind down due to the past. I pictured myself well dressed. Shoes on. Success from the imagination. From one place to the next, transformation occurs.

To defy expectations is to dress accordingly when the time calls for it. How many of us have to dress down knowing where we are vs. where we want to be?

My Paris adventure a book within itself and an adventure to be had. This picture important to me that dreams are important and, at the very least, I defy how to be painted into a corner.

The beauty of Paris and Lacoste in particular with this picture is that I work well with Peanuts, but also as the crocodile bites. I too work well with it. My appreciation for what I have been exposed to is not to be underestimated. (I was completely thankful on Thanksgiving knowing I called it St. Patrick's Day while there.)

Cheers to 2022 and hopefully for my 40th, I'll be able to flesh out my Paris adventure in a French quarter of my life. #art #beauty #transformation #paris #inthistogether #work #success

3.8.2022

A follow-up and continuation. The rest remains true and as fate would have it there was no fleshing out of my Paris adventure in the French Quarter. Life does that and sacrifices are made daily when you dream of the could have been while still working with what is available.

It is not often I dress up and I was/am thankful for the opportunity to experience my adventures in all moods of frustration, hope, sadness, anger and happiness.

On the outside of brands and a life I was heading towards I know there is perception one way or the other. I look at the 4-5 images taken in this spot and I see sadness in some and reflection in others. To dress for a day in clothing that made me feel like I belonged in the world was a change of pace to bleached-stained clothes and torn jeans and aprons. Almost 3 years of working in a place from a reboot to a chance to be something where credibility was established with a masters degree in Photography. Admittingly because of discountment in the past but also because it was something to strive for teaching others and preparing them for the world.

Would I have been a good teacher? Is that what I wanted? Life in protection and comfort of not being attacked and molded in the right directions was where I wanted to go and survival took over until survival forces me to still be a teacher one way or another.

I look at my portfolio and my life’s work published and unpublished. I am many things and it becomes apparent in most of lack of equipment in some, lack of time in others and in other areas I excel. As I begin job searching again I am fearful of the 300+ job applications of before not knowing how to address that which I cannot not change. I try as I remain hopeful.

With The French Quarter writing cancelled, I sit outside the window trying to maneuver myself from the prohibition of visual arts and photography. A writer most these days as I market and shift towards conceptual and back to design and looking for direction.

A new square that as I cross the board has left me without the options I’ve had before to express. Creatively it is daily I produce but how to share and what to protect is the question.

A strong sense of self knowing I’ll end up in the right place eventually.

For now. Survival and a presentation of myself in an image not expected. (Even if the details are hidden or downsized for the web)

An Expansion to Aside #5

I expand on my thoughts of the expansion of the Olympics in their meaning and their intention. I am not unaware of the world and from the privilege I reside knowing what happens each and every day around the world. Starvation, judgement, death, discountment. Unspoken battles everywhere that echo through our collective memories on either side of hardship or virtue. Liabilities of judgement always cast and never a single after-thought to the lost of life or the issues the world faces collectively. We combine and we divide depending on the issues at hand.

My focus has been on the unity the past week now knowing todays news, tomorrows news and yesterday’s history. I continue to defer to the Ancient and Modern Olympic games which comes as a struggle at times, but it is in those times that we must come together as one eventually. To fight is always going to be a case and as such in the Ancient Olympic games, it was always a lay down the guard to come together which was in known Global sport then and expansive now to more regions than before. Perhaps a fools game to try to bring people together when so much goes on in the world, but just as United Nations come together, so too do those divided to say we are world citizens.

My ideas are not about self-promotion, but what feels right and comes from a knowledge I’ll never know the lives I don’t and those who do and don’t get a story written about them. To some perhaps it is a stranger’s call to unify and think about what brings us together than divide, and perhaps it is a call to understand knowing I stay out of media and catch it at a glimpse. My goal is always understanding and unification.

Further notes on how Paris 2024 could mean so much more than the Olympic Games knowing now may or may not be the time to introduce knowing I am just a starving artist as others live/survive the day to day.

We are immigrants and guest of this world and united one way or another. Perhaps my 6 rings are not the right time, but all in a row we are connected. As noted in my images above, most represented colors to least is the order or flip it and put the least represented colors first backed up by the majority of us all being in this together.

Thank you for listening and coming across this. My heart to everyone.

-Philip Arthur Bonneau

*A missed message of thought from the other night. A standardized version of the rings necessary in color. Each country shows their flag pride with their countries nationality. The rest grey’ed out but still unified. A universal connection between one country to the next that is awesome to explore.

An Open Letter to the United Nations

Handwritten summery of disclosure. Ok to zoom in to read, but copyright protected by Philip Bonneau through handwritten, photograph (visual art) & Diary laws. Cannot be used to self-profit off of Philip Bonneau’s literary works nor commandeer of ownership. It is standard practice to cite your source and ask permission in most applications. “Once you read this it is a part of You”. Morality takes over from there.

With the utmost respect to all the nations of the world, I would like to speak to the United Nations in an open-letter as an American citizen who is at a loss with how to proceed with what I am about to say. It is through the affordance of technology that I am able to communicate this to you today and it is from the foundation of modern civilization that I structure the opportunity to speak in order to advance humanity.

As I question keystrokes and transcripts, I write on my own personal website questioning how to properly address what I am to address. To me, based on past experiences ranging from 2018-2019, questions are raised on both recording keystrokes from personal computers and transcribing of private citizen’s phone calls that I call into question any traditional form to properly disclose or file a complaint.

If that occurs, it creates pre-emptive measures that do not provide due-diligence of protection prior to filing and gives an upper-hand on those doing that. “They can get past the firewalls” and “They can look at the web history and pre-emptively know where he is going to use.” are quotes from experience in the sea of quotes in a matter of obstruction of justice and human rights violations that may be compounded into my own story and how I got here today. I reference EEOC#415-2019-08683 to unlock and open that door. This claim was to be required by law to be investigated with the parties cited in it to no resolve on my end.

I write on my personally-owned website as a last line of defense against behavior that has been allowed to continue that has personally affected myself but has wide-ranged implications. I will be talking about copyright laws, EEOCs, whistleblowing and morality of this generation (all those living) and future generations and what is a need for an about face and change of direction.

A travesty is occurring in this country that involves the United States stepping in as well as disclosure to all countries when it comes to the legacy and contributions of both our youth and ourselves as individuals.

I submitted to myself, via email, on March 1, 2022, a screenshot of the picture at the top of this blog post. A Facebook post with the statement “An Alumniati statement. Cheers to every artist ever discounted now in positions to stand up for artist’s rights. It’s the right thing to do.” The email itself contained this message that has been slightly modified for typos.

Thought long about this. Wrote before. Will write after. Testify if I must. Legacy and chances taken before entering the work place. Exploitation and if you are reading this you know my heart.

Not just this country’s legacy stolen every day, but every countries' current and future generations at a cost of this practice.

I hate saying this. I hate I wanted to change within and then possibly exploited in the process. My goal if ever to be a teacher was to prevent what I experienced and have future generations never go through that and never feel like "just" an artist or creative.

I'll sit on this until tomorrow knowing the EEOC is still in the air. I trust past practices and unite where my heart is globally as one on this one.

I internally was made to feel like I was to be an example and lesson to learn from by my demise and the cost of my life's work. It's my belief my work is already the forfeit. I protect others younger and under the age of 40. (And those above, just specializing in the area of inexperience).

-Philip Arthur Bonneau

During my second time at The Savannah College of Art & Design, I found myself rebuilding from events that go against civil liberties and protection against an United States of America private citizen that have been unresolved and have opened the door for other criminal acts towards myself, family and loved ones to occur. As part of the senior creative/marketing team of Alfred Angelo, I was there at the very end of what was a major attack on the sanctity of marriage and my career or conscious never recovered from that experience. I was never at fault to anything leading to the demise of Alfred Angelo, have always held important information regarding the final 3 years there and have secretly tried to right wrongs regarding that while protecting my own and other’s artist rights while also trying to give closure to everyone personally affected by Alfred Angelo and attacks on dreams and dresses. That has never been resolved for others and I’ve held my ground on exploitation of over-worked, never fully compensated, threatened to bare burdens of the company’s survival. As artist rights go in realms of not properly compensated by the company I own a good chunk of photographic artworks of the last 2 years while also retaining artist rights and control to creatives of 3 years of Disney Fairy Tale Weddings by Alfred Angelo due to non-payment practices, slipping things under the rug and fundamental copyright laws when companies go bankrupt in chapter 7 scenarios. Events surrounding the closure call into question the re-establishment of the website under new ownership that purposely left out any of my photographic/artistic contributions alone with a message saying “We’re Back” that I publicly slammed on social media as “No, WE are not back.” Supervisor mentions talks of singled out monitoring and surveillance of myself alone that calls into question how long has this been going on and to what extent has my lifetime work been taken away and exploited one way or the other.

I could talk about contract work afterwards that lead to a discounted position afterwards of well below what I was making prior where age was even attacked there through other employees and discrimination on medical history of others and ultimately myself. My contract employer at the assigned contract location failed to protect myself against viable claims against their contract client and brought in their parent company into unemployment meetings while failing to protect against real claims of physical harm, the noted recorded keystrokes and the impediment of my civil rights by transcribing a off-site phone call I had with a law office when trying to report unlawful workplace conditions. The second company defrauded the State of GA by failing to provide proper documentation to Unemployment offices and by going under other company names than what they are known as, possibly defrauding their cliental with insurance questions also surrounding my experience. This lead to willful intention by those companies above to drive me to Chapter 13 restructuring as a way to pry off assets at the expense of my rights as an American citizen which continue to this day.

I leave out most details knowing a fax machine is a wonderful invention to get things properly through at times.

As I rebuilt my life at The Savannah College of Art and Design, which I was already an Alumni of, I built myself back up by writing by hand as I did not have internet in my place of residence for over 6 months and built up from scratch a retainment of my life and where I was to go not knowing where that was but a need to survive and keep growing one way or another. I submitted to copyright under copyright pending knowing past experience of getting onto private computers was previously experienced, cited by 3rd parties and unpunished behavior that was imminent and plausible. Those attacks were on multiple computers and that copyright pending was submitted under TXu-2-173-740. As of this year I copywrote a framed work of art that outlined the history of the evolution of this book, “Curated Jellyfish: A Paradise Lost” in all their versions up to the currently published 4th edition, all with different ISBNs, and remains unfinished when known impeded on in matters that need to remain confidential but of the utmost importance. That work of art should be protected as it outlines a timeline for others to follow. A visual depiction is below that was shared on social media on February 15, 2022 when my social media was attacked and manipulated by outside sources.

After I copywrote the book, I began my studies in the Masters program at The Savannah College of Art & Design. That is clearly spelled out in the book that it was completed in, at least a first typed version draft, prior to starting my education. I posted it publicly (as I retain the copyright to the actual artwork and the pictorial framed depiction) in an attempt to finalize what has been on-going, unpunished behavior that affects every single user on every Social Media platform where digital identities and presences outlive a normal living life-span and should be met with the utmost respect and dignity as practices of assigning someone to handle your account after your death. It is my belief that existing social media platformers can be at the forefront of protecting this while calling into question the establishment of new social media with the understand of the psychological and legal responsibilities behind it. If technological practices were established prior as blanket statements of ownership of intellectual property of citizens of the world, then it should be under scrutiny any past established platforms as well as motivation of establishing new ones which would be marked from this day backwards in following that path knowing established brands lead the way on that forefront.

I worked for The Savannah College of Art & Design as a manager of one of their restaurants housed at A Scottish Rite Temple. Often working in the basement for long periods of time in solitude and over-stretched I reported incidents that may be connected to the past EEOC claim and that there were events surrounding my immediate termination from myself following protocol, filing incident reports, and speaking to internal compliance in a meeting that was overheard and discussed by others in another room when supposed to be confidential and strengthens back to the initial EEOC problems.

My concern for the events leading up to my termination was in the constant request to be transferred/removed from my position while applying for other opportunities within the school system to better my way of life and excel back into my areas of experience while continuing studies. One of the positions I applied for the SCADpro Director position which was incorporated with the SCAD Art Sales Director position. I originally applied for the SCADpro position back in May 2019 and reached out to the presidents from my personal email on Dec. 29th, 2021 discussing a concern for grouping the two while also outlining what could be major fundamental changes to the collegiate system when it comes to student/employee/alumni rights to work and where there is growth for expansion for the college, but at the forefront is the security of student’s rights to intellectual property that could be fortified and backed up by every single corporation that works with the college or any other college. I later applied, interviewed and was rejected the week of my termination for the position. I responded to the rejection email 2 days later when it was initially sent as I did not read it. I acknowledged the email on Feb. 9th, I was terminated Feb. 10th, 2022. They forced me out of the MFA program before booting me from the SCAD.edu site which I have never returned to after Feb. 11th. This was retaliation and beyond just a termination of an employee without taking into consideration my student rights as well.

I own the concept and the execution in that email and any application of that into the system is unethical, unlawful and stolen property which calls into question the creation of their newly formed “School of Business” and if any of my concepts/ideas including a quarterly student Bazaar are incorporated into it.

https://scadcareers.scad.edu/postings/29587

Director, SCAD Art Sales and SCADpro

Hello to both President (REDACTED),

I was looking to reach out to you for guidance and consideration. I know that direct e-mails are not entirely standard and that some e-mails in certain capacities goes through a string of people before heading into the right direction of contact. I hope this letter goes in the right direction of opening up communication on a question.

I am an undergrad alumni to your family’s heritage. I started off as a painting major and transferred into the graphic design program from 2001-2005. I worked my way through school full-time at the Gryphon Tea Room where your mother and sister often ate and under the supervision of (REDACTED) and your (REDACTED) My thought process for the change from being a painter to designer came about from the need for artistic expression to be universal in connections that ground us visually through every day social contacts. I value that education and that decision by even challenging myself to paint by candlelight to appreciate what came before as a way of creating something new with the understanding that originally is few and far between when it comes to ownership of what is and isn’t considered “bad art”.

I started my first position out of collage as a graphic designer with no room for advancement within the company I worked for as we partnered with Coca-Cola, Waffle House, 7-Eleven, Motorola, AT&T and Kroger to name a few. I spent 8 years of my life there until a major opportunity came along that advanced me out of solely the graphic design realm and into marketing and branding while continuing my outside photographic passions.

I came across a posted position on the SCAD job portal looking to fill a role that raised a red flag for me. There is a director position that is linked above that requires someone to oversee both SCAD Art Sales and the SCADpro program. These positions, to me, seem entirely different from one another. One aspect of it is essential to the vitality of both the school as a connector to top businesses while the other is a focus on the growth and recognition of SCAD family works of art in places such as the Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta.

There is a branch. SCAD Art Sales direction can be and should be focused on contemporary buyers and placement of works in both private and commercial capacities. The contemporary art world seeks out up-and-coming artists in a regular capacity and is of great interest to investors to build on potential new and established talents. The vitality of that program for the artists is important to promote and build a standard of sustainability for those in the fine arts practice. I envision it as both a major online gallery but also a broker to recognition within the movie industry in particular, but also not limited to hotels, Airbnb and restaurant collaborations. The private collector practice in particular is of interest to build relationships with current museums, galleries and business that could be also in combination with other majors of interest such as interior design in particular. I am thinking pop-up galleries as well as timing things into local events and festivities.

One idea of interest I had was for a quarterly student bazaar that could be done in order for students to promote and sell their works at the end of each quarter that often gets thrown away and discarded. This gives both the students a chance for compensation/exposure, but also a chance for the city of Savannah to have a 4-times a year event that is sustainable to the commerce of both the school and the city. I imagine this is for specific areas of study as other areas such as architectural works and product design may involve copyright education and patents to the students that may or may not be available in the current curriculums provided.

SCADpro is a completely different program to tackle. To me, the position is about introducing students to top-tier companies in the hopes of not only educational purposes, but to promote and build relationships that factor into student placement and business success. I am unfamiliar with the practices and contracts that get built within that system, but I see it as an overall success to lead towards student employment after collage. Students are placed on real world application projects that go into the innovation of fresh young talent before they are even out of the school system. Those projects are tackled and implemented into multi-million dollar investments and opportunities such as the drive-thru system for Chick-Fil-A as one example. It would be interesting to see if there is investment opportunities for the students to gain from that experience or for the companies to be in a position of offering scholarships for future students into the SCAD educational programs. With the thought of students paying the tuition fee to participate within the SCADpro system, I see areas of expansion that could be had to solidify student/school relationships as well as improve the infrastructure of business/school relationships. Investing in the future goes hand-in-hand with student’s investment of time and builds loyalty to both the school and the businesses they work for with a very important teachable lesson that has taken over the United States in particular.

My concern lies in the fact that there has been cost-cutting measures throughout businesses for decades that have caused employees (especially creative professionals) to take on so much responsibility than is sustainable. Within the graphic design world in particular I have seen designers become animators, UX designers and sound designers due to the lack of education of value from upper level management. This is across the board on deadlines and expectations at the cost of branding/marketing strategies and realistic deadlines. To even tackle full-time employment has become an issue as contract work has risen the last several years. The idea is to not commit to people and not have to pay vacation/sick days at the cost of the fear of the employee being let go at any time for any reason. It is a turn and burn approach that has sacrificed so many people into lack of job security that has increased into lack of homeownership, retirement plans and healthcare.

With SCADpro specifically, I see this as a potential practice of exploitation that could be reversed to transcend work culture across the country into all aspects of SCAD alumni and friends. A company’s identity is built on the creative minds that reside in it into all levels of professionalism with patents and visual identity in particular of the utmost importance.

At the cost of saving money and meeting a bottom-line. I’ve experienced this tactic myself while working as a lead creative manager/photographer/graphic design/etc. for Alfred Angelo (a former number 1 bridal company in the world). That company went bankrupt in 2017 and my entire life and career has been derailed because of it. In Atlanta I tried to bounce back with contract work after 6-months unemployed. That contracted ended and then met another company that offered a pay range of 15-18 dollars an hour for production work. I was awarded $17 dollars an hour at an even greater cost to me at the time of 13 year’s professional experience.

I’ve been working for SCAD again since 2019 while working on my Masters in photography. I came back out of necessity of finding anything of value to strive for again and have been met with an even greater attack on the heritage of my work that can never be recouped or forgotten. I find myself in the same Scottish Rite Temple I grew up in, now with completely different perspective of going full circle and starting over. I would like to discuss with either of you in private some things I have found in the building that may be of historical significance or at the very least artistic value that I would love to personally explore and expand upon before it is possibly lost forever.

My background is in marketing/branding/strategy with a focus on photography, graphic design and an incredible interest in art history. I’ve worked for Art’s Café now for 3 years and have experienced life events that affect security and safety. I started work on a series called “Starving Artist” in my masters studies and have tried to work through better positions and a better way of life. Although my credentials may not be up to complete standards for the above position, I would like to be considered for positions outside of Art’s Café that may be more beneficial to the longevity and success of fellow artists, myself and the Savannah College of Art and Design.

Thank you for time in this matter and would love to hear back from either of you.

-Philip A Bonneau

My concern in particular was with the SCADpro program that is implemented at The Savannah College of Art and Design. As stated in the initial image to this blog is the possible exploitation/theft of student creative rights and property. Under the guise of real-world experience, students are giving real world projects that leads to millions of dollars in revenue for at least the companies (I am unsure and question the benefits/copyrights/trademarks/patents afforded to SCAD if any). As students are to pay for these classes specifically, it is a double-dip of student/parent/guardian pays the school for this opportunity, student creates new innovative works that changes industry, companies makes million and retains copyright/trademark/patents and students may or may not be able to put on their CV later in life with no compensation. They are being paid to be exploited before they enter the workforce and the legacy of every student/alumni involved in any SCADpro should be questions and evaluated for their contributions to society and rightfully compensated for it. This practice involves every International/National student who has/is/will attend the Savannah College of Art and Design and goes well beyond the jurisdiction of the United States of America, but collectively we are all in this in representation.

I mentioned the Chick-fil-A contribution as that was brought up in employee on-boarding. According to my termination letter there is a discrepancy on my date of employment. I signed 6/1/2019. Authorized signature dated it 6/3/2019 and head of HR stated my employment termination as being from 6/3/2019-2/10/2022 in a separate document leading the way for Chick-Fil-A to be a viable legal source to cite as I was not an employee of The Savannah College of Art and Design at the time of that disclosure according to their paperwork. As SCAD students were the inventors of the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru system, it is important to not attack businesses, but seek out to businesses on clarification of these practices implemented by the Savannah College of Art and Design, while also being leaders to changing this practice so that future generations are given due what they are owed, a chance to succeed in life and to bring respect of creatives who should not ever have to say “just” an art degree to their name.

At the forefront of Business Innovation, it is imperative to work together and build this infrastructure that prior has led to the discount of employees of all types, lack of proper compensation and lack of resources to survive day-to-day while benefiting from the neglected. There is an amazing opportunity to support this generation and future generations but the practice of SCADpro in its existing form is illegal/unethical and needs to be evaluated. No student should have to pay for a SCADpro in that condition and it is my belief that any company associated with SCADpro would be at the forefront of protecting students rights and intellectual property. This idea and practice goes well beyond the creative field and when put in the situation of trying to understand blanket intellectual ownership on platforms and known security tactics, to prevent the cutting of a tree before it is formed can be done by watering and nurturing proper care of people’s property before/after they start to form.

The heart of the matter is both the timeline of events that surround me and the greater purpose of what was discovered along the way. I look at the series I created while I was a student in the masters program,. ”Starving Artist”. The idea behind it was the exploitation I experienced and have heard from others and how to properly explain that while being unemployed and SNAP’ed into survival mode. Privacy is important to any college and so is ownership which should always fall on the students who create the work. Had I chosen to use a SCAD affiliated blog site to document My Time at SCAD, it would have been yanked from me instantly on Feb. 10th without a chance of retrieval and they would/could of used their “dusting-off” of all creative practices on my works at any time (knowing I never submit hi-res files for the online studies I participated in). Ownership of all things creative is expressed in their handbook as promotional purposes only, but calls into question when a dusted-off logo was used for the 40th in promotional/profit purposes.

I can talk about my book. I can talk about my Heroes + Villains. I can talk about fundamental work I’ve done to advance understanding of “The Divine Comedy”, psychology, mental health, spirituality, empathy, and morality. All that has been attacked.

Towards the end of my time at SCAD in my own independent studies and with my own books and handwritten I came up with 3 new solutions to the main three Sphinx riddles. I’ve written about them exploring/backing up/challenged/fortified before they all came to very plausible, real solutions that advance thinking and understanding while paying it forward to what was before and what comes from it. Were they attacked or were they fortified as being another contribution of a Starving Artist to the world?

What is that which in the morning goes upon four feet
upon two feet in the afternoon,
and in the evening upon three?

The Answer: An Average Man

There are two sisters:
One gives birth to the other,
And the other, in turn, gives birth to the first.

The Answer: The Tigris and Euphrates

What can bring back the dead;
make you cry, make you laugh, make you you
is born in an instant, yet lasts a life time?.

The Answer: A Heart

I submit to the world my heart and soul knowing my words are true and in the right place to be steered in the right direction. There is fear and there is hope in commonality and doing the right thing for others knowing I’ve been in danger all this time while others have watched over in protection in other ways. It is my belief that together on shaping things in the right direction knowing this approach is from left field.

Thank you for your time and understanding of finding it better to unite than divide the world we all live in.

Philip Arthur Bonneau. Georgia, United States of America

Aside #5

Please do not take my image without my permission. Permission is through e-mail or traceable contact. Please cite sources. Thank you. - P.B.

The last several months have gotten to me and has been a sport for some and reality for others. I am a writer and an artist of many trades. I am a person who has dreamt and a person who has aspired for a way of life believing in a pursuit of happiness. That pursuit is fundamental to every person on this planet and aspirational to obtain and hold onto.

The roads to find your happiness are never easy and often takes strength and conditioning to persevere through the challenges that lay before us at times. As we grow older, it is important to remember that we have more in common with each other than we do have differences. We stand together at times; just as much as we stand apart when we try to make a name to ourselves answering the question, “Who are U?” internally before external expression. Individuality is important but when you cannot live in a world alone and without connection.

We all have our teams that are banded together through interests and goals. we become who we are based off of who we meet/what we experience/where we want to be (physically/emotionally/mentally). Find your teams and you are into the world of acceptance. Band with everyone and you find yourself in an even better place than before.

My life over the last year or all my years as I approach my 40th this year, has amazing places of perseverance and help along with hinder. Through my experiences, I see what is preventable and what others have done to either support/hinder others. I try to stop what I can so that other can be better prepared in the world. Perhaps that is why I have been writing what I’ve been writing lately without shariing everything.

In my masters studies, I created a series called “Starving Artist”. It came about from experiences being on the SNAP program and because the cause of one thing or another that was never my fault or control. When SNAP’ed, it puts humility into place as creativity of survival becomes instinct. Now unemployed again and SNAP’ed back, I find it is important to try to change perspectives still any way I can.

My goals are to unite, support and grow together. Technology is amazing to help reach each and every one of us and it is important to communicate and use words. In the evolution of my site and art, you can see where I stay true to who I am as a person. It is not easy to say the things I do at times, but I always welcome conversation and discussion.

It is the First of the month. As we March into Madness it is important to remember that Global Sport is always going to be the support of the greater good and setting up ourselves and future generations for success.

Thank you for your time,

Philip Arthur Bonneau

The Fly

I do not consider myself a master of composite work in its traditional sense. We are all composites of the things we have been introduced to and from those experiences they become a part of us as we grow. An evolution of experiences occurs within us and built-up education over time formulates identity and purpose. For most it is sight that connects us. For others it is the sounds we hear and the connections we make through familiarity. In other scenarios it is about the reminiscence of touch and taste. Our senses combine within to create memories that transcend time and place. We are both here and there.

To be a master in something is to understand the craft and to understand that it evolves even after levels of degrees are reached. To do so is a craft of learning how to blend and mix things together. It takes time and we must admit our downfalls when time allows us to sit back and process. To build a concept is to come up with an idea that resonates and can stick with the viewer long after being in the present. It is an artform of finding harmony in completely unrelated images/sounds/words and combining them to tell a story. Sometimes the meaning is fluid while other times transformed over time. Signifiers give clues and it is contingent on both the viewer and the artist. We become defined by stories and perception and how they are translated by others. I do not consider myself on the level to see this particular project to completion in any manner to do it justice alone. 2 weeks is extensive to flesh out a final working project that one can view in a public setting. Concepts take time and things of value are subjective, but their application worthy of further exploration. Working on a concept as a branching out point ideas are birthed from everywhere and taken in by others to complete when things are left on the plate to handle. We are asked for so much this day and age that it is important to find balance between work and life. Our ambitions and goals are only met by what we are afforded or what we can imagine in our head.

We are afforded many things in life. Life being the main thing we are afforded. I am granted this keyboard as much as I am granted many things. Granted and taken for granted are two completely different things. My original intention was set to go in the direction of food for the time being as portraiture has become a complicated issue to me. Food is a necessity. Food is a part of our life and the essence of one of the many things required for survival and existence. Without it we are not nourished in manners that allow us to sustain in other areas of importance.

I consider myself predominately a portrait artist. Portraiture gives an opportunity to live vicariously through the subject matter chosen as much as a partnership is built that goes both ways in what is given and shared. My life, a complicated issue of moving forward while held back in thought and experience. If I were a fly on the wall, the conversations would be different. To have that connection with another person is to give and take but through respect and understanding. Connections made from someone mostly silent if only I get to know people. Perhaps my keyboard was gifted knowing it is not my own but a chance to speak in a voice that is not peculiar but familiar. Speak. Write. Paint. A portrait with words and/or image is a way to reach out and present the complexities of answering the questions on “who are you?”. Sculptures are made from looking at the potential of what can be. Even cracked stone leads to upside down imagination of how things blend together.

I think about what is on my plate. A sense of place lingered this quarter figuring out a sense of self. Sense of purpose there and evolving as it should. I am protective this quarter to include mostly myself as I figure out how to proceed forward balancing how that relates to you. It is about us one way or another. I started previous quarters with the idea of a Starving Artist. The idea grew and has grown since then. It can grow exponentially under the right circumstances and the right conditions. Those come from what we are afforded and with the knowledge that things could always be refined and defined later. The idea of a starving artist is that you have to work with what you have available to you at the time. 10 year old equipment, 16 dollars an hour knowing others survive on less, and lighting equipment that may not be the most industry standard but creates effects that are still worthy of note. You have to do what you can to survive and sometimes/most times you have to do what you can to put food on the table.

Food is scarce. Food is important. That is true of people under-employed. That is true of people on unemployment. That is true of people in other countries around the world that work with less to make ends meet. Zero conflict there on what is relative to the rest of the world. Always room for expansion of what artists have to do to make a living and then there is also the notion to protect and cherish what you have. Even the most innocuous items are a fundamental ingredient to something greater. It is all about artist intent. Collaboration abound. Recipes held back.

The ingredients to things is to understand that it is not going to be perfect at first pass. There is no just flip the switch and boom you are done. There is always refinement to occur. Am I rough around the edges or am I just picking up the pace of new directions of what can and cannot be done with help?

Offered up on a silver platter; a concept is continued. A fly there to lead a mystery yet to be solved.

Veteran's Day - Shadows revisited

Veterans Day.

A day of honoring those that have served and those that have fallen. Sacrifices made for survival and the greater good.

War comes in many forms.

Battles are constantly held.

Where does your battle lay its head at the end of the day?

Pillows are a comfort. At night we have a chance to resolve the problems of the night. We are not all afforded pillows.

We are conditioned to believe that war is to be an external battle between opposing forces of opposite ideals where someone is right and someone is wrong. There is the possible hope of compromise but that comes after tremendous back-and-forth. It is also a very internal process and an on-going nature for those that have experienced it or any other atrocity that shatters their perspective of existence. That battle is inevitable at one point or another to try to begin to process what reality is capable of creating.

The calling for service throughout the centuries have been from family responsibilities of the land, requirements of rites of passages or through the forced act of drafting. Some battles are done with the shadow-self that represent that one version of a persona is going to express domination while other aspects are withheld internally. Battles are won and lost every day. To willfully partake in those battles internally/externally is a sign of strength towards protecting the ideals and laws of the lands in which you reside or in commonality towards a greater good. To some it is a battle to just wake up and continue to go about the same day over and over. Wars are won and lost over the level of perseverance of intention held within.

Not everyone is made for war. We are all called to service one way or another. We have a duty to ourselves and we have a duty to protect and cherish that which we hold dear to us. For me, my calling is to protect those I know and those I don’t. My war-torn experience comes from a different battlefield and one that still has come from a place of understanding that certain things are the way they are. Everyone’s calling is going to be from one place or another and done in many forms officially or not. To think of service is to respect all forms of it and to understand the battlegrounds are comprised of soldiers, cooks, doctors, nurses, strategists and to no surprise…artists.

The transformation of the experience of atrocities of war has led to some of the greatest works of fiction and non-fiction that has stood the test of time and have been adapted and translated many times over as history dictates them to be lessons to be learned. Prior to photography, the concept of war was only depicted in paintings and art that often glorified the true horrors experienced to get to the heart of the matter of what those moments represented for the victors of suffrage. Literature formed by conquest while others search for peace. Visuals are depicted by those that control the narrative afterwards. The ones defeated still have a voice though. The works of the forfeit can be lost or disvalued in the process but sometimes just enough of it remains to give perspective.

The introduction of photography into war time images changed the landscape of what is actually “war”. As technology introduced a new medium to visualize reality, artistic licenses were taken before ethics were added to the equation. Where we are at now is images of 9/11 and death occurring in real time. Hurricane Katrina and watching suicides as people fight for their lives from things that could have been prevented and protected. Staged iconic images have been created since the advent of photography that may or may not have been the foundation of perspective on strongly held beliefs. It is a dangerous slope when people’s willful decisions of acceptable casualties that has caused the in-grained images of what war is from this perspective. I imagine being in other countries, that experience is much greater to what has been experienced in my narrow point of view of what war is. I’ve grown up with an invisible enemy. Perhaps we all have as we find the conflicts within are what keep us at bay. That invisible enemy has been transformed from a war on terror to a war of biological proportions and even another one that has invaded means that are still invisible but able to be seen in the right light. I think of the war on drugs in particular and there are plenty of documentaries available to prove that there is always profitability to be had in those wars. What happens when those wars change course when money is to be had working with something than against? In suffrage people advance from the backs of others. In silence some of us allow it to happen. It is systematically a part of most societies and inevitable that there are various levels of comfort that one strives for in order to find happiness. The poorest man in the world can be filled with the joy of many while others may never be able to dream a dream on their own accord. We work with what we have available and we try to make a difference. That can be done through battles, laughter, commonality of family adopted or birthed, or anonymously while we help one another out. One should lends another. We all shoulder weight and we should never be one to believe that there is ever a moment to not be able to breakdown barriers and realize that resolve is no longer present. We all have our moments that simply cannot be held back. To allow that to come out is something that is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of significance and one that most people are not able to share publicly let alone privately.

Every country has their iconic images of resilience and of standing tall in the face of adversity. Some of those iconic images that stand the test of time have been molded and adapted several times as new meaning to old battles are forever changing the landscape of how one is to express connections that may or may not be understood until later on in life. For me a Day of Future Past became one of Stonewall not realizing the implications of it until later in life while realizing the full responsibility of evoking something into the real world and an indication of where things have occurred in my life. My battles are different for some, universal for many. We all have our battles. We all have a family to back up beliefs one way or another.

Are we all soldiers in something we are not aware of? We soldier on nevertheless. We do so unaware at times and very aware in others. Even when left alone it is important to note that we are not alone. Someone is always there. Someone is always capable of listening and someone is always available. I’m just me but always available if I can help. That is a start.

To get into the horrors for the everyday solider is more so a modern concept with the help of documented biographies, autobiography and recordings of those that experienced what is called life. Social media has evolved that availability, but it is also of note to remember that the introduction of the internet created a whole new connection of meeting people that we may or may not ever get to know in a physical sense. I remember being young talking to people in chat rooms. That evolved over the years to people on some of the first social media platforms to what evolved to apps. Never really know who you are talking to at times, but in other times you find great connections that stick with you. Innocent in its approach but never without predators. The evolution of the internet has created a sounding board that is both positive and negative. There is the voice of many played several different ways where algorithms can predict a pulse of what is going on in the world as much as it can be singled out to specific topics and points of interest. How you play with that presence is to understand that everyone has opinions and everyone has a voice, but it is important to either block out one way or the other or understand that sometimes you have to grab the bull by the horns and take control of a conversation. Control is always a contention point and definitely an illusion to something else hidden inside. What is protected and what is given are two completely different things. Always protect what is given in trust.

You took a screenshot. A small piece of my life shared. A small piece given or taken. Aware or not, I am aware that when one loses their ability to speak there are other means to get things across. We lose our voice at many times in our lives. 3 days. 3 years. Always a whisper here and there. The fluidity of it held back by the things we have learned and have not learned. I accept my faults and weaknesses. I’m learning. I’m trying.

The stories we are privy to come from father to son, mother to daughter, grandparents to grandchildren, neighbors to neighbors and stranger to new acquaintances. If we learn to say hello perhaps we can learn more from one another than we can on our own internal journeys. To discount and judge is always going to be a battleground for the ones you place judgement on. Extrapolate what you can, but when it comes down to it the silent treatment is going to say more than you can ever think could be in conjecture. Let people in though. Try. Trust. Trust someone. Trust anyone. Live. Laugh. Love. Try not to take on the weight of the world because you will find that with all the money in the world, your voice is more powerful than anything thrown your way. Every interaction you make is an imprint. Every second a memory the minute it passes through. Try to be the best you knowing someone is always going to judge you anyways.

I am not a veteran in the aspect that you would think. Where my battles have been fought has been on the external/internal struggle of the self. In those struggles of conflict and understanding I’ve come to explore what has partially been in the realm of the shadow-self in manners that could use expansion but used in a manner to not repress what is held within as a presents itself. There is always a golden shadow to be found though. A golden lining to something once considered to be of silver. To be aware of your past is to be aware of mistakes and to try to grow from that. Just as inner battles transform the physical appearance, so true is it that the internal transforms as well. Those battles make or break a person. Having been someone broken over and over, I understand that my time is of understandable consideration that we make the best of what we have been afforded. I am very aware of the advantage of others at the expense of some. War-fronts is literally putting on a mask and walking out the door knowing brighter days could be there just as much as others there to take advantage of a situation.

Wars are fought every day but not every day is a struggle. Remember that.

Remember that when you give up, someone is there. My generation has been very unique having grown from no internet to being connected to any person in the world if we only speak and ask. Sometime unnoticed and other times heard very clearly. Veterans come in many forms. I ask you to consider the generation asked to wear multiple hats for far less than what was afforded for as much as I ask you to respect those lost in battles that may or may not have been necessary and the lives transformed from experiencing things that no one should ever experience in any regard but is a necessity to what is considered existence. Respect people. Respect PTSD. Respect people’s memories of trauma. Respect people’s lives as we all have a unique remix of how things are processed. We are all discarded and taken advantage of. We cannot win them all even if we tried. That is probably why we choose our tribes wisely knowing that once commonality is found, it is difficult to break a bond.

Often discarded afterwards, veterans are to be respected. To survive war is to survive things that will never fully be understood unless explained. You don’t know what they have been through unless you ask or if they tell. Either in times of war or peace, there is always going to be that internal battle of self that is going to be present one way or another. War in the front, War in the head. We all have our battles.

I ask you to try to get to know a veteran or someone of service. That service could be someone of war or someone of food. Humanity exists regardless. You may find that the service you are referring to is not necessarily the one you were thinking of and may find a friend in the process.

Soldiers are not necessarily the ones on the front lines. It is always an artist intent to find ways to let beauty come through one way or another. I trust you.

Keep on keeping on and remember we are all in this together.

A Starving Artist trying to make it.

I do not consider myself a master of composite work. To do so is a craft of learning how to blend and mix things together. It is an artform of finding harmony in completely unrelated images/sounds/words and combining them to tell a story. Sometimes the meaning is fluid in meaning while other times transformed over time. We become defined by those stories and how they are translated by others. I do not consider myself on the level to see this particular project to completion in any manner to do it justice alone. I work on a concept as a branching out point as I have done before. Ideas birthed from everywhere.

We are afforded many things in life. Granted this keyboard as much as I am granted many things. Granted and taken for granted are two completely different things. Focus was set to go in the direction of food for the time being as portraiture has become a complicated issue to me. Portraiture gives an opportunity to live vicariously through the subject matter chosen as much as a partnership is built that goes both ways in what is given and shared. My life, a complicated issue of moving forward while held back in thought and experience.

I think about what is on my plate. A sense of place figuring out a sense of self. Protective this quarter to include mostly myself as I figure out how to proceed forward. Started previous quarters with the idea of Starving Artist. The idea grew and has grown since then. It can grow exponentially under the right circumstances and the right conditions. Those come from what we are afforded and with the knowledge that things could always be refined and defined later. The idea of a starving artist is that you have to work with what you have available to you at the time. 10 year old equipment, 16 dollars an hour, and lighting equipment that may not be the most industry standard, but creates effects that are still worthy of note. You have to do what you can to survive and sometimes/most times you have to do what you can to put food on the table.

Food is scarce. Food is important. That is true of people under-employed. That is true of people on unemployment. That is true of people in other countries around the world that work with less to make ends meet. Zero conflict there on what is relative to the rest of the world. Always room for expansion of what artists have to do to make a living and then there is also the notion to protect and cherish what your have. Even the most innocuous items are a fundamental ingredient to something greater. Collaboration abound. Recipes held back.

Offered up on a silver platter; a concept is continued.

A letter from an Arthur

It has come to my attention that it is probably time for me to clarify some things.

That clarification is a way of wrestling with past experiences that were never fully resolved nor have come to a foregone conclusion. Conclusions only come when the topic of conversation is no longer viable or discussed. Even then there are always open-ended answers as life progressed and sometimes things go unanswered or unnoticed.

I’ve been noticed.

It has been expected in the past that an artist need not use their words so clearly to define themselves nor their art. A picture speaks a thousand words they say. The same is very much so for any human being in this world. We do not have to say anything and we still exist just as much as those who chose to use what words they had available to them. We work with what we have and what we know as we branch off into the areas that we find of interest to us to continually build our identity until it is ultimately defined by others and either remembered or forgotten. Always remember that one day you will not have a voice to defend. Actions can be illusions or met with pretenses that cannot be fully explained unless asked for clarification. Eventually there will be no clarification to give and then left with a focus back on self and our internal thoughts that we live with each and every day as we shift from ourselves to others back to ourselves again. Selfishness and understanding are two equal things that go hand-in-hand and it is never a fault to understand that there are many aspects of the human existence that can not be described as anything other than true to self and a constant battle of what is right or wrong in that discovery.

As the world has progressed into where we are now, more and more is expected for less than what came before. We are expected to give our all and settle for the fact that we will never have ownership of something and that even what little things we do have can be so easily taken away when the right people want something. So much has been taken and given that it is hard to wrap that thought anywhere else than a soul is on the line. A soul is broken, groomed and nurtured every day. Broken by experience as much as it is left to thrive on others. I hold my own hand listening to my own heartbeat. I am aware of my dual presence wondering if both are still there at this point. Heaven is there in some areas. Dreams in others. My dreams and others made or broken every day by the way we present ourselves and the way others perceive us. Those same dreams affected by the things people can and cannot get away with in relationship to their own. A wish not there at the moment as I’ve been put into a position of not being able to do so. Even on my birthday I knew not what to wish for knowing what has happened and unsure of how to even begin to be of a place to ask for anything other than life and continuing on until I or others do right towards what has happened.

It should be known that we do not have explain to others. We should not have to do that. Those that do probably do it because that is how an identity is formed through constant forms of communication of self and interaction of others. Those that don’t are probably equally guarded and find that internal council is probably the best way to approach what is viewed in the surroundings that we are placed in. It is expected that we will definitely be defined or ignored by others just as much as others will bring us in as a guest to their life and them a guest into ours.

I ask you to please remember that your soul will always rest with you in every situation.

In all the infinite possibilities in the world, you are going to find the existence of a soulmate comes from a series of past experiences combined with the present to predict a future. The soul touches everyone you interact with and reaches deeper in those you have more personal relationships with either in friendship, companionship or eventually partnership in whichever form that may be either in business or personal affairs. Our identity is an internal one in form, existential in the other. Look at yourself in the mirror and how you choose to see yourself. How you perceive yourself is not always going to be the same as someone else’s views in proximity of your surroundings. That is going to happen silently or very much with a vocal presence behind it. We should all choose our words wisely before speaking and to use words in relationship to self and others are two completely different factors to exam before anything external is released. Our words can sing or sting depending on the intention behind it. Our thoughts are equal in challenge to what should and should not be said. To understand that is to begin to deconstruct the notion of answering the question, “Who are U?” That is a lifelong question that changes just as much as a playlist of select songs to define who you connect with through the words of others.

There are secrets in song. There are secrets in curation. We all have secrets we wish to keep or share with select few. In life or in artistry, there is beauty in the cryptic nature of things and there is beauty to lead with a codex of understanding to translate intention but to never fully define. Interpretation is important and sometimes intention can lead to different directions than anticipated. Dialogue important and as I’ve been put into a place where definition is important I find it also important to lay the roadwork of understanding that once one thing is discovered that there is probably another 2-3 things elsewhere. I am sure that is the same with you. I am sure that is there with everyone. When you start to pay attention to what you represent, you realize the things you do and do not present to paint a picture. Out of all the colors in the world, I invite you to paint by candlelight and let instinct decide the tone vs. what the eye does in full light. You look at things differently when you start to remove variables and get to the point. To analyze art is to look at it but also look at the artist and their life. As art has evolved the value of it has changed on how it is presented and how it is to be either revered or reviled, but the connections are always going to be there that you have to understand the artist’s life and mood if you are to understand maybe what they are trying to say. Perhaps that is the same of our neighbor or the person you see across the way. Speak or not, there are always moments to be shared.

Perhaps that has been the case for years and we are forgetting how to communicate. But then again, one must wonder why there is a need to clarify and justify existence when simply we are all trying to exist one way or another. It is a big little world and in the end we are not owed an explanation as it is something that cannot be taken but only given.

I have many stories to tell. Many stories I’ve tried to collect and write down. Some of those stories come from a place of hurt. Others from trying to understand. Sometimes it has been a place of processing and in others a place of direction of thought. I write. Not perfectly but in a vernacular that is only fully explained probably audibly if misconstrued here.

In one instance, there is a story of a hat and a bat to be told.

I will try my best to write it in a manner that is simplistic but serious in nature. It helps to ease the tension behind it and at least gives me a chance to save words before they fan out into the areas needed to ripple in the wake in order to bring calmness back into the waters. Stillness never lasts for long and there is always a symphony of movements before something comes crashing in to turn the dance into a jazz session that needs to adjust to a new sound evoked into the ballroom setting. I figured remedial is necessary to flesh out later but found it important to go simplistic as I have gone to at times the last 3 years to get me into a place of expansion at a later time. That is what happens when your process at a speed not common, but natural when in areas of elevated stress and emotional output.

A bat swung as I sat.

Listening while you chat.

Headphones on yet still I hear.

How many times I have listened; listened in fear.

There is a way where things were at.

Me sitting at my desk while you standing with your bat.

Fear in sight as a paper held tight.

He’s holding that piece of paper with all his might. (Paraphrased)

Threats to me.

Threats from you.

Threats of old school tactics of showing up at homes too soon.

Uninvited with talks of harm.

Open office setting as if in a barn.

Open doors. Open ears.

Open mind explored to prove what sound can do.

Modular settings of no sound.

Proof.

Can hear everything from ceiling to roof.

Internally white. Fully of fright.

Reported after just as right.

Show up at work or call the cops?

Told If not directly to me nothing to do,

In hindsight I so wanted to sue.

Wanted to live. Wanted to thrive.

Instead every day I created a dive.

Pleaded every way I could to stop,

Here. There. Directly. Indirect.

Put up or shut up.

Every day something new in the shop.

They moved you before the next day went,

Conversations had that strayed the course bent.

Spoke to my employer and notified contract,

I did my best to respect our contact.

You did your best to impede on given rights

Knowing you created something that protected others

“He thinks he is doing the right thing” on the last day said

No question of phone calls recorded and acted in best

As I fought to stop, they acted in jest.

Work from home an offer indirectly made prior as reaction to real time occured,

Background searches and conjectures are the things that stayed.

Focused. Driven. Strive for structure, stability and identity in a place once grown from

Knowing that I’ve changed in the 3 years away and unwilling to just jump back into the person I was before.

“Can’t just trump up charges” was heard.

Most of the time I sat there without saying a word.

Took it they’d say until enough was enough.

Stood up and said respect that this is rough.

Multiple ways into my social book.

Repetition of my words without giving a second look.

“Too deep” I said and they knew what they did.

Words etched inside that I know not how to get rid.

So much more of the keystrokes made,

For what?

Someone got paid.

The strength required to step foot in on the floor

Matched greatly my need to just walk out the door.

Stuck to work because bills to be paid.

Then. There. Now. My life is in raid.

Reported. Recorded. Reminded.

Who recorded who when trying to reach to you?

That devil’s advocate a chance to say,

I gave you the opportunity for you to respect.

Affecting my mental health of obvious detect.

Asked to move but was denied

I think back now knowing all the times you heard me cry.

Crying. Screaming. Explaining.

Silence is the answer.

Awareness of not knowing what to do.

Stronger than most for doing what’s right

Stood in silence with all of my might.

My day of my birthday headphones on

Screaming, Blasting, Blocking. Ears of wax to the outside world as things heard were not invited in.

Drown out. Drown in. Drowning.

Aware of what was coming.

Aware of what was planned.

Reprieved in a birthday night gifted.

Speak. Spoke. Spoken.

A resignation written the night of my birthday.

Purposely read over the phone to showcase if the phone calls were true.

You heard me. I know what you put us through.

Walked in the next day and that was all on you.

Heard what I heard and blame was placed.

Printed out my resignation. Stood up. Gave myself a gift.

Asked for my privacy back.

Walked out the door by guided hands.

Never quit a job before but I know you understand.

Hostile work? Hostile Talk? Judgement. Smells. Mannerisms.

Deodorant. “She’s a bitch”

Comment here. Comment there. Should we tell or should we smell?

Wonder why I walked on paths of grey?

I put up with bull-shit every day.

A smoke to give myself a chance.

A path timed. 7 minutes here and then right back into it.

Back into it what shouldn’t have been the case.

Back into what others put up with in this rat race.

Walked out tall; absolved of all things.

The truth in my words as I continue to figure out how freedom rings.

I rested my case for the day on that matter.

The rest of the day ended with the mind in a clatter.

Broken then. Broken after. Broke. Brought.

Fought. Fight. Survive. Thrive.

People noticed when I was starting to dive.

Deep. Deeper. Thoughts of fear. Thoughts of perplexity.

Birthday ruined. Christmas ruined. Life ruined.

Temporary? 3 years now? Longer. Faster now. Harder.

I’ll leave it there for now knowing my story is not done.

To talk about the rest of my final day of contract work is to talk about needing to sleep and then trying to drive to Macon. Foggy along the way, I had to be driven to my hometown as I just slept in the backseat. Beaten and tired. Weather worn and spent. Even the next day I tried to report and do what needed to be done. Other days here. Other days there. Leaving out so much for right now. Reported and still unresolved and unspoken to.

During that time of new Atlanta employment even if it was not permanent, it was one week into my new apartment that things went down to a crashing keyboard. Took so long to have a job. 6 months post bridal world. 3-4 months of being at the grace of others close to me to get myself back on my feed. To go that long and to try to start photography and work again in a safe place is to describe in detail what it is to accept humility and to return to a city where dreams made and broken and returned with the broken dreams of thousands on my back. Never my responsibility, but carried it nevertheless. That is what that world means to people and that is what that dream meant to me. Lifetime of imagining finding love and commitment. A lifetime of building something or building towards something. What do I have left to build towards now? There was talks in the office of February they had him and then of apps that were in contention earlier and brought up again. Scheduled? Planned? Who had who in the end? Surely my privately own computer became a point of contention later on at other places of employment. Was that an issue before? That hard drive definitely stolen at this point.

I’ve questioned why I’ve been held back from the truth all this time now. Concessions of this is the way it is? Concessions of what I have? Concessions of what I represent? Who I am and who I can be is always up in the air, but when forced to talk about who I am is to draw questions of how long the phone thing has been going on. It brings up issues of the computer and desktop and website and you don’t think I won’t act, test, try, prod, provoke or see things to the end. I know the cost given by me to prove that this has been an on-going thing as much as I am very well aware of the power of perception. Question when someone has been exposed to this for so long on what they do and do not do and when they know things will come up later and when things will be disregarded. Awareness comes in time. Instinct abound that I am trying to live and held back from doing anything what is right to protect others and maybe if I am lucky protect myself from what I have already established to be inevitably at the grace of other’s perception anyways at this point. I’ve written for so long at this point that if I am writing now it is probably because this has become an escalated issue that has consequences that go beyond my own existence at this point. Imagine watching your entire life ripped apart and taken away one piece at a time until those that didn’t know start to understand what has happened and who controlled a narrative.

The baseball bat incident was one of many things in contention. But was a real threat of workplace violence while other were tolerable but unacceptable comments made about myself and other contract employees. Threats and comments made every day leading up to my birthday. Can you imagine how hard it was on both sides of the office as everything was ripped apart but that is what happens when people escalate things to drive different narratives. Story driven one way, truth another. I’ve remained silent in some areas, protected in others. As things evolve and things grow I question at this point many points of contacts and intentions and what is and is not threatened at this point. I listened as things were being twisted. I’ve listened as things have escalated. I’ve tried. I’m calm. I’m angry. Angry that I’ve tried to do things through the proper channels. Faith tested. Faith inside. I understand I am going to be the forfeit. I understand why I self-published my entire essence of trying to bring myself back from my experience and even wrapped my heaven into it because of known tactics. Who knew that even that was still stolen and challenged? This is a battle of heaven and this is a battle of justice just as much as it is a battle of what can and cannot be done anymore or ever again by those with the means to do what they have done. My virtual presences violated repeatedly which led to the deletion of my former grown digital presence in whatever capacity I had built over the years. Connections that cannot be replaced gone. Timelines preserved yet still a new me is here well aware of former selves and why they either died or went to the wayside. Others hands are red in hindsight and I am trying to ensure safety and protection of others over myself knowing that I’ve tried every way possible to understand the cards dealt and rebuild after rebuild. I rarely talk on the phone now and proof that computers are an interesting invention of what else could be done. Home invasions. Conversations around me. Deals always to be made. Never a part of those conversations, but very well aware of what is heard and has been heard.

I’ll never forget phone calls recorded or walking in the day after my birthday with you already knowing what I wrote and read to other parties the night before outside of the office. It was a temporary job with long term repercussions. 6 months without a job prior. Never a chance of official hire when told no on-boarding available and then they on-board people anyways. Terms agreed to strictly no photography and then that used as well and placed on all their packaging and displays. I believe I own those packaging rights now as I’ve seen assets from that company displaced into other areas. You have tried to hide your sin and I understand those involved in that process. I understand that sins of the company I worked for and the escalation of unwarranted parent parties in post-poned unemployment meetings. Do you know what I had to do just to get on that first phone call and tell the truth?! Do you understand the repercussions of your actions yet? I respected I was in a new environment and that hesitation was had based on past experiences. Never wanted anyone’s job there, just was thankful I had something to help me get back on my feet. Was thankful for working with people but at the same time new positions were held all around.

I caught things here. Tested things out there. I did my due diligence to make sure what happened occurred. It took going to another entirely different company to even get more validation of what happened when things came coming back into the picture. That is entirely different story and compounded interest involved in that. Why in the hell did things travel from one place to another?! I am well aware of the parties involved in that. Some of them at least spoken out loud. Entrapment with beer not taken in-between during mary times outside the office after I resigned from the contract position. Internal investigations. Over-kill and events leading towards personal harm afterwards. Harm that still occurs today. Fear and anxiety knowing invasion occurred. Invasion happened. Invasion continues. Look at where we are at now and you banked on my death now twice. Thrice? How many times and for what? What causes have been picked up at the forfeit of human dignity and respect? How many other people’s lives have been ruined or pushed in one direction or the other because of narrative or conjecture? How long has this been going on is beside the point of even wanting to know why? I’ve seen death and that too needs to be explained at some point when even then doing the right thing of running as fast as I can and reporting it.

I pretend every day that what has happened in my life has not affected me so. Perhaps as I talk internally about how can I thrive each day. Sometimes I drink. Sometimes I smoke a cigarette. Both pretty under control and both things I ascertain to either remove or lessen in my life. How does one doing that with the weight of so much on the world and have asked every which way to fix this or tell me or help me or let me move on with my life. I am aware people have seen things they had no business seeing. Who’s fault is that? Internally I get told I cannot do this to people. I question, what have I done but try to do the right thing. Try to live a good life. Try to make up for mistakes and try to always welcome forgiveness, understanding and respect.

The echo remains inside. Threats to me. Threats to them. Threats to everything. All made. All heard. That daily encounter happened at 2 places and it got to the point that there was a scream made in so many different directions. All of this is not even going into details at the other company in question because to do so is to write another book or maybe give testimony or anything to say what should and should not happen in the workplace or in life. I was not approached and left judged and executed and then excavated. I am sure intentions were pure but the damage still haunts years later. If only they asked someone they didn’t know about it. I wonder what you thought when you heard phone calls…especially the ones asking for help and needing it. Truths of the day as every way managed to try to attack me through my art, through my words, though unpublished works and stolen copyrighted blogs and books. Published what I could for protection of others and definitely from the protection of known tactics of hold things away from a publisher until resolved. I solely own something of great value. I own many things of great value. To kill me or force me to suicide is to lock things up for almost a century due to it’s personal nature or there could be a conversation and conviction in words and feelings towards an understanding. I trust you understand what gets locked up in that scenario just as much as I am aware of what has already been acted on. That on-boarding process nearly killed me. I am sure in laymen and laywomen’s terms they understand that. That elimination process defrauded and damaged just as much as the process before and the process before that. I could have been homeless if not for family and friends. I almost died protected people in silence. I die a bit with my words much more clearer than you will find in any book stolen, written or even non-digital. They played roulette there. They are playing the roulette now. Do I need to be the forfeit? Is my life not worth it when it means so many others I protect? I had a dream but perhaps this reality is more important than that to fight for seeing that things become balanced on what is to come moving forward. My identity gone. A cloud of mist where I see things at times and see nothing at all as to what is to come. I just know that in my daily life I strive to hang on for U. I strive to make it somehow. I strive to not let dreams go in vain knowing all I can really do is be at the graces of others as I watch things ripped apart to may or may not being rebuilt. Imagine being judged the way I have been and understand that can happen to anyone when put within the range of sight. Perhaps that is why I focus on imperfection so much. We are imperfect, yet strive to be something and go somewhere. We are either a part of something or not. Nothing wrong with solitude. I’ve spent a great deal of time alone. I’ve spent times with others. I’d like to think that there is middle ground to be had as pendulum’s swing from one side to the other before coming back to rest.

Back to the hat in question though because that is where this short story is focused on. It is Freudian in thought, but the hat is proof that when an employee who is not in marketing makes a brand decision that they should probably understand the brand that they appropriated beforehand and the repercussions of what that hat represented to women, minorities and those who you would have never known to be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. You really have to understand what something represents regardless of execution and be understanding that others are able to twist that and work with it, just as much as I expect a writer to correct my grammar on this opt-ed. I’ve been a very small team or a team of 1. I get that you can only do so much on that. I get that you can only do so much on a budget. I’ve built a brand on dreams and acceptance while tackling things that I hope help in other areas. You should understand appropriation of a brand just as much as you should understand an official statement made as contractors and cliental were visiting for test of products as you wore a hat publicly with official company clothing on.(not I that I am talking about) I did not create that hat, I was gifted one and it was used for a photoshoot after my suicide attempt to reflect on what happened in a fine art capacity. Who was responsible for actions and which companies failed to protect employees and the greater good. I was never told when I asked about what prompted my 1 sick day to spark a chain of events that devastated me and continued to do so. I blame that person in particular as a group or singularly. Surprise…they didn’t fire me but noticed what I noticed when directed in that direction.

As I recall the statements of employees saying “I know what he is gonna say…hostile work environment” “Recording keystrokes”, “The mouse needs to go” They can clarify those quotes; their words. Not mine. So many things documented and recorded. I went everywhere I could for help. Was it on deaf ears? It wasn’t deaf ears when a transcript of a lawyer’s phone-call on my birthday was transcribed and dissected immediately after returning from lunch and had off-site in an official capacity. Can you imagine the psychological damage that occurred then only to find out it happen again at another place of business and then again into every crevice of technology?

The hat to some at the time became an invasion of dignity as it came to its meaning at the time and what it could represent and what has been adopted to. There were red hats before and there will be red apparel afterwards. Red is everywhere just as much as blue, purple, green, yellow, brown and any other color in the visible spectrum. You cannot just trademark a red hat and you surely can’t do it after the fact at the time of a picture taken or from pre-emptive measures after damage inflicted. You cannot trademark a red hat when so many companies use the color red as their primary color. You cannot trademark a red hat that when you flip it over can represent so many other different things. Trying to trademark a red hat is like trying to trademark a non-branded grey t-shirt. What I know of a red hat at the time in regards to politics was the rhetoric behind it. Those “sons of bitches” comments collect that there is a time for talking to a base and there is a time when you are the leader of the United States of America representing everyone. Some saw negatives in great numbers that was permissible to be used because it came from the voice of power. Others saw positives and used it as permission to showcase pride and strength. Passes were given and conversations were met with yelling at each other instead. Dismissal from either side based on beliefs. You cannot claim copyright on fine art photography and the likeness of any US president is in public domain.

I imagine being president comes with great responsibility and choices are needed to be made all the time. There is a team that builds a narrative and there is capital on either side of the coin on what is and is not best for the country. There is no winner takes all for everyone. Rhetoric created did inspire some people to action both positively and negatively according to their beliefs. The repercussions of those actions the last time led towards people storming the capital just as much as people gathering in the streets in protest. In other times it was coming together for peace or forced to go to Vietnam. Generations forced to fight while other generations forced to struggle. Great Depressions. Great Recessions. 9/11. Pearl Harbor. Xenophobic actions that affected so many minorities and people that even this day are still being wrestled to overcome and resolve. Is there resolve? Is there compromise until equality? Is equality even a thing to strive for or are we forever going to hold onto past mistakes until major change occurs? That change is not going to happen over-night. It is not going to happen in a week, or a year or a generation. It is going to occur by taking it one day at a time and realizing we have been trained one way when we can be pushed another understanding that there is to be fear as well as hope that we can be better towards one another. That is going to take time and it is going to take getting to know others when and if they want to be known or not. Is it possible to try to look at each other as brother and sister instead of noticing our differences and discounting each other for the way we look or are born vs. how we are ourselves? It is impossible to erase all of prejudice, but there needs to be an understanding of stereotypes and that there is commonality to be found in each of our differences once we get to know each other and strive to build each other up instead of breaking each other down. Each generation, families have become divided over politics and beliefs. They are divided and strengthened by generational gaps. We are evolving just as fast as technology is allowing us all to have an individual voice as well as become part of bigger conversations that bring unity or divide. The past several years in particular name-calling and news-worthy one liners were a new brand of tactics in politics that have invaded the social media scene. Somehow it became perfectly acceptable to destroy someone by name-calling, body-shaming, heritage shaming, attacking of family members, attacking of human respect while locker room talk becomes acceptable forms of either got you news or maybe a lesson in watch what you say. Always have to question intention there and I understand I’m probably right there with everyone else on given the right place and time that the wrong thing was said purposefully or out of ignorance. Is this childish behavior what to become of politics and society? Is that something that has been taught since grade school and now certified acceptable by the highest of positions? Shaming and humiliation while not working together is not going to be a solution. Neither is resorting to tactics that inhibit legislation or conversation from occurring. Is that what life is going to be now? Differentiate each one of us and for what purpose? Hard lines in the sand were drawn then and harder lines in the sand when you find out the words of invitation had in debates and conversation on what is and is not allowed for gain/loss. You can go high or you can go low. Always people out there that will do both depending on the situation. I always try to go by rule of law, but question if those very laws have been upheld in certain scenarios. Why demonize each other when both values could be respected for what is considered the greater good of compromise. To not have that dialogue is where I am at this day. Those conversations may never happened and things were acted on with the intention of me not being around. Maybe for the better? Maybe for the worse? It grooms me I guess to sit and try to process what has happened thinking about what will happen even in my attempt to try to make it one day a time look and feel. Am I prepared to be prepared for truths I may or may not have realized at this point? Do I have a purpose greater than what I’ve already started? Teamwork makes the dream work, but the dream can change tomorrow. Tomorrow is that thing we are not gifted. All we have is today and yesterday. Dreams are hard to come by at the moment with undo resolve still needed to occur. I pray in thought that I made the right decision knowing that I have to come to terms with the consequence of standing up for everyone in this scenario.

Why divide when made in positions to unite? A base of thought has occurred that has led to singular notions of xenophobia and anger loom in the air while others called to patriotism and values against that. We are a country of immigrants. We are a country of many. We have come to this point based on the backs of others and until injustice is resolved or stopped; it will continue to be that way. It is happening at a faster rate with my generation than it was the generation before and the generation after. Neither just blue nor red as there are more than those colors, I stand by beliefs of the constitution and pick and choose where things align based on my beliefs of greater common good and dignity and respect for each other. Dignity should be afforded for those of lesser means to fend for themselves and at the grace and protection of the United States of America and the International community. Isolation is going to lead to abandonment and it is better to be a part of the global community than it is to try to fight it. To try to understand other cultures is to try to approach it from a place of humility with the understanding that commonality can still be met while appreciating differences. It is those differences that we can learn just as much as we can find respect for one another.

Back to the hat. I get the idea of the hat. I get that then. I get it now. Color theory is a friend to me and the color red is a color of many meanings. It is not just of politics. Not just from one voice. It holds many meanings to it.

Red is the color of passion, courage, power or will and desire. It can mean danger in some areas and energy and call to action in others. There is no sole ownership of a red hat. Red is of many colorful meanings and not just of one particular thing. It is even a color within the rainbow and should be understood that as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community and as a human being, I welcome and accept all aspects of the rainbow that comes from a place of unity while respectful of differences. There are many things to be passionate about. Hate speech should not be one of them. Abuse of power of any kind should not be tolerated and what occurred to me came from a place of great financial gain for others by the privilege of technology and resources not at my disposal.

The words written on this hat was someone else who appropriated a brand. I used it to create a PG-13 of a Rated R while also commenting on my life experience that has never really been divulged out of both fear and because I tried every way possible to prevent what happened and what I was never fixed from what occurred now 3 years later. People sat and watched it occur then. People sat and enjoyed what has been going on the last several months. Has it even really stopped? I tried so many ways to break the walls on how to speak and express what can be said and what led to my suicide attempt back then and to prevent it from happening to other people. How many years has this really been going on? As I become transformative in my works, I am respectful of the base of things realizing there are many points of references and personalization that occur and I have much to learn and to offer. I can go deeper into the image if need be, but the points of reference are there for study as it is in any of my works. Not all of my works are on my website, but I am very much comfortable talking about a sitt

I understand people got away with things. Corporations got away with things. Financial and political. The emotional stress experienced is nothing to the real world application of incident after incident that has occurred. As much as there was wrong done, I believe that others are right there to protect just as much as there are those trying to spin things in new directions with me the forfeit. My life has been stolen. Dreams in the air. Dreams to come still that perhaps, as I reached out, that maybe someone heard. I did not come up with the tag-line “Make Abrasives Great Again”. That was a business decision made by a member of a company. Perhaps it has taken me “Being Abrasive” to understand that there is a time to sit and take it every day and there is a time to stand up and say enough…this was wrong…you created this situation and then the one person who single-handedly was trying to save companies and people is the one attacked and forced in directions that I have been through before and do not want to go through again because I have already been through that. My resolute is strong. Protectionism is there. I know some of the things taken and from where.

If this was resolved months ago or years ago; I was never let known about it. As I collect my $666 each 2 weeks trying to build myself back up from the ashes, I find that it is quite difficult to see my work and life taken and stolen and probably never to be retrieved again. Little by little forward, eventually I am sure everything is going to be up for grabs because of people with more means than I as I have been driven down to ZERO. I am thankful to still be here and I am thankful that I’ve seen things play out many ways and know that there are ways to remove fear and anxiety from the situation.

November 2nd, 2018 I left a contract position and expected my employer to protect me and they did not. They involved their parents as other parents were brought in until it got to the point where we are now. You should have protected your employees and you should have listened to them when real threats were made. Maybe what happened was on-going prior, but when brought into the very real world, that is a time stamp of events that needed to be addressed then and rectified with me before you went into total destruction of someone’s life and by default the lives of everyone around me. Is that the way things work? Is that how you treat shareholders?

This hat is a reminder of that gift given then. It reminds me of the horrors of workplace scenarios and the aftermath of the war on so much that was considered collateral damage. I am sure in conversation then or now I would have been fair. Has it been fair now? I am aware this images spark debate, but it is the message and meaning behind them that have been or could be twisted one way or another to express horrors that never should have occurred.

There is politics and then there is corruption that affects everyone or anyone. This is not a political discussion as I honestly am pretty much a beacon towards trying to find what is right, especially at the benefit of education of what the world can be on either side of the coin. This is a conversation about life and what is right or wrong on how we treat one another in private, in public and in the workplace. We grow by talking. We grow by expression under the pretense of do no harm but by making a stance. It is not done by just taking and doing whatever you please. Context is everything and intention is to be evaluated. To judge someone is to understand intention and emotion and factors always should be taken into consideration. How do we move forward together? How do we pick each other up?

I am a believer that no one is perfect and things should be weighed out accordingly. Morality is in my pores, although not always the best in execution. Where I’ve come from is not necessary where I am or where I am going. I’ve protected so much and could only explain what is asked of me if required. Privacy is important, just as much as the things we do in the got-you and catfish scenarios. You have to understand that coming from someone that have worked so hard only to still struggle. I am not the only one and I understand areas of improvement personally and across the board. Hopefully you stand by me to understand that this is not about political divide but about civil unity across the world wide web. I write to right a wrong. But where I go from here is at the good grace of the law of the land and bringing those that wished to do wrong justice and those that stood by doing the right thing understand that we all have taken on a burden for something greater than ourselves.

If no action is taken, I will understand that I tried for humanistic principles. At the very least I clarified just one or two of my more contentious works of art. Mentally sound as I’ve spent the time to process what needed to be processed to ask the questions.

Where do we go from here?

This is definitely not where I intended to be.

Always room for improvement and so many more stories to tell.

Let’s Talk.

Birthdays at Zero

3 years a struggle and I guess it is time to come clean more than I normally have been on the subject on why my birthday brings anxiety, but again one must take great pause before continuing. This month in particular has been building up to the fact that for 3 years now a great travesty occurred and people and corporations went about their lives thinking it was ok to do so without fixing the situation with the hurt parties in question. Has happened before, will happen again. There is always a choice on what you do to right that. Both internally and externally it starts with U. It ends or begins with Us.

Was it worth it?

Did you get what you wanted out of it?

I suppose I could talk about many things, but I feel honestly like as I try to type things are read instinctively. To work at that speed constantly is to understand official capacity and the amount of damage done and involvement across the board. To go to the levels taken is to understand probably what was and is on some people’s mind or perhaps my own.

How far is this going to go?

Is it over?

Will it stop and people start to play nice with one another or are we going to have a kumbaya moment?

Working with what’s available to speak; there are places to look. Then there are things stolen from me. Pre-emptive I guess to try to contain what could have been contained in a civilized manner with behavior that you would expect from not just one another. Integrity is very important. Survival is as well. We work with what we have and sometimes we are afforded opportunities and other times we are denied them. It takes a village to make a community and that goes with understanding the value of people and the contributions put into creating a basis of structure and idealism of what we want or what we think we want in life.

Like many people, we are broken to be made again. Some people have never had a day of struggle in their life. Others have struggled their entire lives. Some make it and some do not. Always a moment of pause as I proceed silently speaking.

The silence is the contention. Just because I don’t always open my mouth to say what is on my mind, does not mean that I have not processed, witnessed, examined, contemplated with the understanding that even I sometimes lack imagination of what is and is not capable of being done. I am always learning as we all should be. Never discount is a good way to approach moving forward.

As I’ve rebooted the last 3 years I understand the difficulties faced. I understand the ripple effect of many rocks thrown into bodies of water. I have never really understand why it only took one week in my last home to my name before things hit the fan. I suppose it has taken this long for the dust to finally start to settle before it gets picked up again.

I’ve spent the last couple years trying to get back to a sense of place. A sense of purpose somewhere in there to always try to do right as I write and produce work and try to maintain a life. When one crashes down, eventually you have to find a way to get up again. Mentally I’ve processed a great deal and to take on the amount of moments and variables takes time. Can’t be a super machine every day to fight against an army of incomes, motives and variables.

As I am now just a little bit older, I am reminded of what I have focused on and what I have not as I’ve paved ways and tried to be the best I could at times for others while being quite fallible in other areas.

I’m not perfect.

My body is not what it was and definitely not where I want it to be. I’m trying to go back to the gym and pick myself up with the help of some friends. Goals to be had that I am sure as other things can be put to rest can move in the right direction towards obtaining. Change things here. Change things there. Always change to be had when you look at yourself in the mirror as well as when others look at you as well. To define beauty is to understand what is within is going to be the most important. The outside a transitional counterpart to the thing inside you that does not have a form or maybe a form that unique to you and you alone.

There is a social conversation that can be had on idealization and what is socially considered an aspiration. There tends to be a discount to those that do not fit something that is either fabricated or built off of repetition of image over image until it becomes an issue on what is and is not desired. That leads to level of inadequacy and in some less desirable. Truth is we are all to be desired and one cannot say they do not have flaws if even they maintain a perfect image on the outside. Has my experience in the past caused me to say that physically appearance can always be changed with work and time. Its that inside that needs to be dealt with first and foremost.

As I continually try to evolve my life back to where it needs to be, it is always important to understand what came before and where you want to go. Trials and tribulations always lead to new perspectives and understanding. The last several weeks I’ve been very reflective of what has happened not knowing what will happen. I figured it was time to transform one of my personas to mean something different than where it was birthed. Everything about it open for interpretation, but always a secret.

From Zero we build back up.

Tu Amada

Eye of the Beholder

We take things for granted.

We discount.

We judge.

Prejudice to some. Preference to others.

We love what we love and I have loved so much in my life. No one image a unified answer.

Love transforms and the first rule for any photographer or artist is to love your subjectry. That rule can easily be broken as well if you are looking to showcase the opposite of that emotion in your work. You have to find a personal connection and in it a personal reflection to your self if you are going to showcase it as being something that is forever going to be a part of you.

Forever…such a vague term for me these days. Nothing is had forever. Memories fade. Time fades. Things lost. Things stolen. Everything can be lost. Things could be perceived given in full when in fact you either get 20% of the picture or 2% of the overall connection. 67% would agree on that. 3 years here. 3 years there. If I have learned anything in life it is that we are not given everything forever. Sometimes all we have is the memories or the pictures we take along the way.

I look at this picture well aware of what I saw when I took it. I am well aware of what I wrote when I published it on social media. I am well aware that my desire to write the last couple years in particular do not supersede the fact I’ve written since I was a child. I am a writer even in my own form of language. It is me and imperfect as it is my voice if you are only able to decipher and find the cadence in it.

I have been surrounded by art my entire life. Art is what defines us. It is in the books we read, the pictures we view and even the reflection you see in the mirror when you are brave enough to look at your self knowing it is only one perspective and never the universal or true one. Our selves our defined by how we perceive ourselves, but also how others have perceived us as well. To understand someone is always watching or always projecting is to understand you can play with that to guard yourself or prove a point. Our history is defined by artists and I think that is why I put my footprint between the cracks to harken back to years before identity found and identity stolen once again. Never a question anymore of “Who are U? at this point but more so a question of, “Now what?” considering I am not in control of the situations at hand. Frustration for sure, but to be expected considering. I imagine at this point even this post could be modified and it would or would not be my intention thereafter. I at least have the first submit. I suppose that is where I have ended up. Futility that others are going to write their story and I can only do my best to write mine here and there and maybe if someone was interested would discover the truth.

I have tried to proceed with my life the last 3 years as I have in years prior. Ups…downs…every direction. Somethings shared. Somethings not. Pretty much an open book at this point even if I didn’t have a choice. Perhaps it was supposed to be that way. Perhaps understanding judgement is to call yourself “fat Amy” before any of those twig bitches do it. Discountment is easy. Standing tall is hard. Looking up is hard. Knowing that others pass judgement the minute they see you is a hard thing to overcome. Maybe that is why even today I struggled to even pick out a single outfit for myself knowing I wanted to have something new all around and at the same time had no idea where to go or what to do. I present myself with jeans and grey because that is all I am at the moment. I’ve wanted so much and I’ve experienced first hand that ripped apart and even what I did accomplish and did make has been stolen never to be retrieved again by me in a singular fashion. Even the book I wanted to give my unborn nephew was taken away and it is not in my hands to seek out that person. All I can do is request another copy and even then it would not be the original that was sent to a different address vs. the tracking number and address provided.

I’ve written a great deal the last 3 years. Mostly private and mostly to those that I thought would prevent the things that happened from happening. People banked on my suicide. People banked on commandeering something that never should have been taken away. For what? Contract work? Redemption of business decisions? Lessons thought to be taught when years past and dark ages in between? Always would have worked with people and always would have done greater good. That is a given. To try to attempt suicide again at this point is futile because I rather see that particular bullshit playout in it’s entirety knowing very well I have already become a casualty. I just don’t want to see you think you won that one.

What I have done has not entirely been known yet at this point. Some know. Others do not. Trust me that at least I believe it was for things greater than myself and if to go in any direction please understand that there is a transition of thinking that happens after one does try to kill themselves 3 years ago and then reach for help when they decided they wanted to not give up anymore.

I look at this picture as representing more than what I have at this moment. A snapshot of what I could do but the meaning behind it more universal in it’s approach. Not perfect as someone can always do better, but I found myself not really wanting to change much from the original to the final. Just that act alone makes me realize that I see what I see and I know what I am channeling when I share things. My eye and process I guess uniquely me. Imagine all your RAW images taken away and realize the fact that every single one of those was a past life revisited at a later date that I’ll never get back knowing it was willfully taken. My Jewish Holocaust metaphors are not to be forgotten on that one.

I imagine people probably joined in on the game knowing that things could be taken advantage of. Some I understand for the side of good. Others for the side of something else. In my head the past and present play out not knowing my future. To attack my privacy is to realize that where my privacy was attacked before affects everyone and anyone. That is a scary thing to admit and to come to a realization about. Had I been approached in any way, shape or form of that in meaning, I probably would have reacted differently, but the truth is people wanted me dead and set plans in motion thinking that happened or would happen imminently. I’ve joined the boat and set my own course. Judged either way.

Enough about me.

This image…

I’m reflective in my life, but this is a moment shared. This was intimacy and this was something given and approved to be shared. Photography is that. Art is that. Collaboration and thinking outside the box. For me my art is personal because my models are my friends. They are my family. They are those discounted and they are those stronger than I will ever be to venture into areas of imperfection that I tried to give 23 times over. I respect my connections and I respect that in my means I’ve tried every way possible to find empathy as not a negative term but a term that invokes all emotion.

My head at the moment filled with past, present and somewhat of a future. I struggle to just try to be an equal and at the good graces of others to even have a place to rest my head knowing both have been invaded at this point. To stay on this soil is one thing. That belief system a challenge to what can be proven as already acted on. Digital platform is something else. I try to stand tall knowing I’m at the good graces of many people understanding.

I’ve had many loves in my life as much as I am sure each and everyone who reads this has had as well. Guy. Girl. It doesn’t matter. Friendship. Physical. Sexual. Whatever it the connection, we are making a connection just by reading this statement. Sexuality is a very private thing and something that is only experienced between those that it is expressed in. The rest is up to what you are given to work with. If sex isn’t involved then maybe that was none of your business and maybe sex is not what defines a person anyways. We are defined by our interactions. That shattered mirror will never be everything. Only something.

I’m well aware people can continue to try to steer my life in any direction at this point. I’ve done nothing but give my all and try to love. I know I absolutely have it in me to strike down as well. That is up to the court of law but I question that at this point when the biggest companies of the world are involved. That is something that should not be misconstrued. Everything I ever loved has been attacked and even that I realized it goes beyond me. This picture in particular proof that someone tried to live their life and if this picture claimed anywhere else it is proof of bullshit.

I am a willing participant but you have to understand false sense of godliness. Harmony in the room with me. You know. I know. We know. The platform is open. You have already acted on things. How do you chose to write this from here?

#trytoreedit